Yesterday marked the first week of being home, and Ashton was one week old on Thursday! I still look at him and think he could have still been in my belly. The car seat is still massive - the poor little guy looks like an accessory. I'll have to upload a photo at some stage.
I think we've been settling in ok. The first night home was really scary without having the nurses as back up, but we made it. I don't think I slept a wink - I was worrying if my baby would live through the night, and stressing about what I would do if he stopped breathing. It seems a little dramatic now, looking back. I've had two really tough nights, where I was up every hour, but it's amazing how the body copes with little sleep. As long as I get some sleep, I'm ok.
The last few days have been a bit rough, but we made it through. Ashton hasn't been eating well at all, meaning we've been battling to get him to gain some weight. Feeding him has been really hard work - not that I have experience with feeding any other babies...
Anyway we saw the paed on Friday, and she said under normal circumstances she would have admitted him for tube feeding, so we need to up his feeds drastically. I felt horrible and just sat and cried in her office. She said if he refused another bottle over the weekend we have to take him in, even if it's at 3am in the morning.
When I dried my tears she said I must think about sending him in anyway, if I need to rest and regroup. I told her that's not happening - we will do our best over the weekend and if we struggle we will take him in, but I'm not going to give up just like that. Still, it was a big pill to swallow.
She also told me to stop trying to breastfeed him for now, just keep expressing and topping up with formula until he picks up and we can try again later. The 5 minutes we were trying to bf ended up in him using up most of his energy.
I'm relieved to say that it went well, he's gained 200grams. He weighs 2,2kg today. His next check up is next week and he needs to gain no less than 150grams by then.
It's a huge adjustment, I try sleeping when he sleeps, it's easier at night than during the day - but if I get some sleep, it's better than none. No amount of sleep deprivation can hide that I am so in love with my little boy!
The first few weeks are rough. I remember also not sleeping that first night we brought Matthew home. Worried about exactly the same things you did. But it does get easier and you learn as you go along...
ReplyDeleteHoping that Ashton picks up all the weight he needs and that you can go back to breastfeeding.
Sleep is over-rated when you're a mommy :) But do try to get some when you can.
Good luck and thinking of you all...