Friday, December 14, 2012

Moms and Babes

We have finished the Tiny Babes class at Moms and Babes, and just when Ashton actually started enjoying it.  The first few classes were difficult, he couldn't do much at the start but has caught up so nicely.  He also spent a few classes moaning and groaning.  Ever since he found his voice he has made it crystal clear to everyone around that he is there.  Quite adorable actually!  Such a big personality for such a little guy. 

Kev took him to a Dads and Babes class as well, and he ended up making a really cool toy for tactil development.  One of the Nannies who was with us on trial got to take him to a Nannies and Babes class, so I have really made sure that he gets the benefit of going to all these classes!  I feel like such a 'parent'.  Already paying for 'school fees'.

Anyway, I'll upload a picture of the toy at some stage, daddy was very proud of his achievement.  The next class starts in January, and there will be a Dads and Babes and Nannies and Babes class every month.  Really looking forward to this.

Update at Almost Six Months.

I can't believe we've nearly reached 6 months.  About high time for an update.

As we sit here today, Ashton is 5 and a half months old.  Life is busy.  I've started working again and between that and baby, dinner and life in general, I have almost no time for myself.  I need a date with my razor.  I planned to shave my legs over 3 weeks ago and I still haven't found the time to do it.  Disgusting isn't it?  I'm still expressing (read:  trying to express), still battling all the way and I can quite confidently say that while I have persevered with this from the start but it just isn't working.  I still have a whole lot of eglonyl left over so I'll just finish it all and then give it up.  I'm done with struggling with this.

We had to let the Nanny go.  What a drama.  She was all of a sudden slacking drastically in her work, so much so that we had to do our own washing and ironing.  Huh?  Add that to my list of things to do.  To add insult to injury, my baby started fussing excessively, nappies weren't changed often enough, bottles were made too hot - when we would try feed him it was a huge fight until he realised the bottle was cold and then it was an absolute pleasure to feed him.  I have been so stressed over the last couple of weeks.   

Also, her father passed away and apparently on his 'death bed' told her she is pregnant iwith a girl.  I laughed and ask her if she was and she said no.  The weekend came and went and the Monday monring she rushed up stairs to spill the beans, she IS pregnant, but only by about 3 months.  We gave her time off to attend the family meeting to prepare for the funeral, another day off to visit the doctor to confirm how far along she is, and another for her to renew her asylum papers.  I almost fell off my chair when she said she was in fact 6 months pregnant, and she never knew.  Well I must be bloody stupid but I can't figure out how / where she hid it.  Oh and the funniest bit, she needed to leave on maternity leave in December. Funny, now that I think of it when I asked if I can buy her a uniform she point blank declined the offer.  Anyway, I contacted the Nanny agency 2 days shy of when my guarantee was meant to be up, explained the situation and that we couldn't afford another placement fee they offered to replace her at no cost to us.  We paid for her training and helped her get a bank account, even agreed if she were to leave she would repay the training costs, but in the end we told her she didn't have to repay anything and we would give her a star reference. 

We have done interview after interview to try and find someone, even contacted Nursery Schools as a last resort.  4 weekends of interviews, about 6 or 7 nannies a time - that's a hell of a lot of Nannies.  I have been over eating due to stress and hubby commented the other day that I have gained so much I look pregnant.  Pfft.

We finally asked one of the candiates to come for a trial, but it didn't really work out, she couldn't even figure out how to make bottles.  And then, on the last day I think we found someone good, at least I hope.  She's with us now until we go away next week, and then she'll start officially on 6 January.  Some of the previous ones were so bad I had to cut the interviews short.  I started feeling desperate, but I wasn't going to settle on just anyone.

Ashton changing rapidly.  He is the most awesome little guy!  The light of my life.  Just a week ago he rolled over for the very first time and I was there to see it.  Two nights ago I taught him how to turn the pages in one of his little board books.  He has discovered his feet and goes crazy in his jolly jumper.  He is changing so quickly it amazes me.  I feel  really guilty for missing out on so much while I'm at work.  I guess that's the predicament us working moms land up in.  He is really such a happy baby, most of the time it's smiles and giggles but believe me he has his bad days too. 

My mom in law has been here for about 3 weeks, helping out by being here when the nannies were on trial.  Thank goodness for her.  I would be a nervous wreck. 

It was Ashton's 6 month check up at the Paed today and we also officially started solids today.  We gave him his first tastof rice cereal last weekend for the first time, and then also during the week.  He is now 7.1kgs and about 68cm tall.  While he is an ok weight, he needs to gain more to be in line with his height.  His legs have litreally shot out over the last 2-3 weeks.  He is such a long baby! 

We are going on holiday next week, a road trip down to my mom and family in Oudsthoorn - hope that goes well.  We will be staying over in Colesberg, so this will be a slow drive.  I can't wait for my Granny to meet him for the very first time!  From there we will spend a few days in Cape Town, and then start making our way home.  Apparently it is so hot down there at my mom and them, they are experiencing what feels like a permanent heat wave.  I'm stressing a bit about having Ashton there.

Life has never been more hectic that it is right now, but somehow we make it work.  I love every minute of being Ashton's mom.

Here's a sneak peak of my little monster, but I'll put up some more pictures later.


Friday, October 26, 2012

Heading for 4 Months...

Wow, what a year it's been.  I often sit in wonder when I think about all that has happened in 2012.  My little miracle boy is my reason for being and I feel so blessed to have him.  He is changing so quickly, and is his own little person already, and at times I think he has a really big personality for such a small boy.

October has been a mad month, I've had almost no time to do any blogging, so I'll do yet another flash update.  

Ashton has started doing so many new things...  he has started giggling and laughing, I can't help but laugh because it is so adorable.  Other than that, he smiles so often now, and chats to me about all sorts of things that for now only he will know about. He's mimicking sounds, moving his head in the direction of things - try walk away from him and he follows you.  

He loves to be held up in the air and moved from side to side, and if you make faces at him while he's up there, or smile at him he squeals in delight.  He must think we are silly.  You will be surprised at the things you do as a parent to try and get a response.  He is also sitting with support, but sometimes falls over.  We just say boom and smile at him, and then he smiles right back, no tears.

I got home yesterday to find him holding his zebra rattle, shaking it to hear the noise, and then grabbing it with his other hand and bringing it straight to his mouth.  There was gob every where.  He has been drooling up a storm.  Or a river.  He's also discovered the tags on his taglet, which is so awesome to watch.  I can sit for hours watching him play, it really does feel like I'm experiencing life through his eyes.  And I am going to be missing out on so much when I go back to work.

Sleeping is generally going okay.  Not wonderful.  What I will say though is we had a record night on Wednesday night.  He passed out at 20h45 but not without a fight - took me 45 minutes to get him down.  After his bath and massage, I dressed him in his pajamas and the second I had popped the last button in place, the crying started.  He cried and cried, and it got progressively worse.  He knew it was bed time and he wasn't having any of it.  Nothing.  Couldn't even bring the blanket close to try and wrap him.  Before long he was screaming, nothing I could do would make him stop.  I stood up, sat down, did both and rocked him, put him down on his back, his side, his tummy, you name it, nothing worked.  I put him down one last time and re-wrapped him, leaned him onto his changing mat, and supporting him with my arms I rocked him.  Next minute he just passed out.  Relief.  

Last night he woke up at 23h00, not because he was hungry, but because he was getting cold.  I wrapped him up again and cuddled him for a bit and then he went right back to sleep. 

It's actually quite sweet when he starts crying, he pushes his bottom lip out and does a sad little moan, which turns into a tiny little cry.  When it goes on forever though is when I forget all about how sweet it can be.

I've also spent a lot of my time this month training for my new job and I've been enjoying it so much.  I started with training on 3rd October and my last session will be on 31st October.  I am really excited to make a fresh start. 

To be honest, I have been a feeling a little down about leaving my baby when I return to work, for no other reason than feeling he might forget who I am.  In my heart of hearts I know he won't forget me, but there were two days when I got home from training and he didn't even give me a glance.  On both occasions it was quite a while before he noticed me, and then we were back to cooing and smiling and just melting his mommy's heart as per normal.

On Thursday morning I was cooling down a bottle in the bathroom basin, with Ashton in my arms.  He started gurgling and laughing and then I realised he had noticed himself in the mirror and was going beserk.  Too cute.  I took him into the bathroom again this morning and got a repeat - I must remember to take a video of it for keepsake.   

Speaking of videos... my father in law got us a video camera as a gift for our birthdays, it's so awesome!  Mind you, I made it to the big three oh this month.  It was an awesome pool party, three of us decided to combine our birthdays into one big bash.  I have to remember to post pictures at some stage.

We went for a free trial class at Edenvale Moms and Babes last week.  It was great.  You wouldn't think so, but it's a lot of stimulation for the little ones.  Ashton just plain refused to do a few of the exercises, and started moaning, and then crying.  He then went back to moaning, and then started gurgling and making loud noises so he became the centre of attention - luckily everyone else laughed.  I got to hear about so many new things and got a chance to chat to other moms afterwards, it was really informative.  Something that was said about the babies was that all of a sudden it will seem like a light switch went on, and they become totally aware of their surroundings.  I think it happened this week.

Ashton will be 4 months old in two days' time.  Just look at him.
    

Tuesday, October 2, 2012

Baby Milestones: 1 to 6 Months

I found this list on iVillage, thought I'd repost here so I can keep a record of the milestones, when they typically happen and when Ashton reaches them.


By the end of month one a baby typically:
Lifts head for short periods of time
Moves head from side to side

Prefers the human face to other shapes
Makes jerky, arm movements
Brings hands to face
Has strong reflex movements
Can focus on items 8 to 12 inches away
May turn towards familiar sounds or voices
Responds to loud sounds
Blinks at bright lights

By the end of month two a baby typically:
Smiles
Tracks objects with his eyes
Makes noises other than crying
May repeat vowel noises, such as "ah" or "ooh"

By the end of month three a baby typically:
Raises head and chest when put on tummy
Lifts head up 45 degree
Kicks and straightens legs when on back
Open and shuts hands
Pushes down with legs when placed on a hard surface
Reaches for dangling objects
Grasps and shakes hand toys
Tracks moving objects
Begins to imitate sounds
Recognizes familiar objects and people, even at a distance
Begins to develop a social smile
Begins to develop hand-eye coordination
Brings both hands together
Interested in circular and spiral patterns
Kicks legs energetically
Holds head up with control

By the end of month four a baby typically:
May sleep about six hours at night before waking (total sleep typically 14 to 17 hours)
Rolls over (usually stomach to back is first)
Sits with support
Lifts head up 90 degrees
Can follow a moving object for a 180-degree arc
Babbles and amuses self with new noises
Responds to all colors and shades
Explores objects with his mouth
Recognizes a bottle or breast
Communicates pain, fear, loneliness and discomfort through crying
Responds to a rattle or bell

By the end of month five a baby typically:
Pays attention to small objects
Experiments with the concept of cause and effect
Can see across the room
Begins to use hands in a raking fashion to bring toys near
Begins teething process
By the end of month six a baby typically:
Keeps head level when pulled to sitting position
Makes some vowel-consonant sounds
Sits by self with minimal support
Opens mouth for spoon
Reaches for and grabs objects
Rolls over and back
Drinks from a cup with help
Can hold bottle
Copies some facial expressions
Makes two-syllable sounds

Chatting and Blowing Bubbles!

Over the last week Ashton has started "chatting" to us, he gurgles, blows bubbles, and makes little cooing noises.  I was wondering when he would start doing this.  He's also started tracking things, like if I get up and walk away he will follow me with his eyes until he can't see me any more.  Then sometimes (okay a lot of the time) he will 'shout' or 'call' for us.  He does this when he is alone in his cot and wants company, when he's had enough of something, sometimes when he's hungry and generally anything else.  It's so incredible to see these changes happening, and the most amazing thing about it is that these are things that can't be taught - they just happen naturally.  This weekend he made a new sound "ba" and we obviously smiled huge smiles and thought he is the most brilliant baby ever (as all parents do).  Today he made a "ga" sound. 

On Friday I put him in his play gym for a while, with a magazing under his feet.  He went crazy kicking up the pages and even lifted both his legs up and tried to kick the dinosaurs which were hanging from the top bar.  He's been pushing with his legs, eager to get moving I guess but in actual fact he doesn't really go anywhere.  The latest thing is he tries to immitate sounds, it's so sweet to see him trying. 

So many new things happening, seems to be all the time!

So at nearly 3 months Ashton has started doing all these things.  I need to keep records of when he hits milestones for his paed and the nurses at the baby clinic.  This adjusted age thing confuses me sometimes, but all in all we are sure he's doing really well in terms of development.  Proud parents over here!!

Breastfeeding

This one needed its own post.  Breasfeeding hasn't come easily to me.  It has been nothing less than one huge struggle from the start.  In fact, I'm still struggling - but persisting.

I have tried the jungle juice, even the old wive's tales.

Prolak works, but at R200 a bottle I can't afford it.
Fenugreek is a waste of time.

I finally went the Egynol route (maybe that's to blame for all the tears recently?) and it worked.  Tomorrow I take my last tablets though, so I am now stressing about what is going to happen to my supply. 

I've been expressing, massaging, trying to breastfeed, standing under a hot shower.... ever since Ashton came home, and it's now going on 3 months.  I'll still persist because I really want to breastfeed, but I won't lie it is so frustrating! 

Ashton has been latching really nicely since he hit 3,5kgs, but the last few days he just prefers his bottle.  So I express, and massage, and take tablets, and stand under a hot shower...
Wish me luck.

A General Update

As of 1 November 2012 I will no longer be an unemployment statistic.  I have found what seems to be an awesome job!  I was starting to seriously run out of money with all the expenses we've incurred since Ashton's birth, and I believe this position came around at just the right time.  I'm excited to make a fresh start.  I went for my first interview at the beginning of August, second interview at the end of August.  I was upfront about my start date, and that I needed time off in December and that was alright with them. 

I was feeling so heart sore from missing my mom that I phoned my stepdad to ask him if she would be okay to come for a visit.  It was difficult to get her to the airport, so she caught the bus.  I bought her a ticket and when I phoned to tell her she was coming to visit she cried out of happiness!  She spent the entire day hugging her dog.  She is spending a week and a half with us, and might extend her stay to spend some time with my brother.  Anyway, here's a funny story - I put a special note on her ticket about her condition and that she can be forgetful - just as well.  Her bus arrived really late, I actually started worrying that she was stranded somewhere.  Her phone died when she reached Welkom, so that was the last message I had received.  When she arrived I ran to the bus door to get her, and the hostesses gave me her things, and also helped her get off the bus.  We then got into the car and I was about to head home when she said she had forgotten her suitcases!  So we stop the car, climb out and there 2 of the crew come running, both yelling that we are forgetting her luggage!  Lol.  So they brought her 4 bags to the car and we got them loaded.  I should have known, my mom still doesn't travel light.  We had a good giggle in the end.  I got a bit of a fright when I first saw her get off that bus, looked like she had aged 20 years.  Her hair was scraggly and the last dye job had just about grown out, nails long and nail polish half rubbed off, eyes older than I had ever seen. We did mani's and a fresh dye job and she already felt so much better!

Things with my dad are going better for now.  I sent him an email telling him about how I feel, and he replied eventually.  We mailed back and forth a few times, and we went to them one Sunday afternoon to celebrate a birthday.  I just needed him to know how hurt I had been feeling, especially since he didn't even come to the hospital to see his new grandson.  He said he would try to visit more.

My brother is doing as well as always.  He's career obsessed.  His girlfriend isn't well though, she's been diagnosed with Ankolysing Spondalitus (sp?) - which means she is in excruciating pain most of the time.  I pray that they will find a cure.  My brother is so stressed about it.  She is his "one" and I think he would fall apart if anything ever had to happen to her.

I finally did get to write my exam in August - can't remember now if I've posted about that, but I got 91% for it in the end.  I passed with distinction.  I see that as a huge feat, considering the circumstances at the time, so I'm really pleased with myself.

We have hired a Nanny for Ashton.  We went through an agency... Nannies In Training. I heard that apparently they are excellent. We chose 6 CVs out of the 12 that were sent to us. Two were already placed, my first and third choice. Last Sunday we interviewed the 4 ladies at Wimpy. Joyce was our first choice based on the CVs. Three of the ladies interviewed really well, and hubby preferred Joyce in person, I really liked Prosperous and Thula. I liked Joyce but had a sense that something was off as one or two things on her CV didn't make sense. We wrote them off as just being a typo. The reason we would have gone with Joyce was due to her having been on a first aid course already, and on paper she seemed a good fit. I asked her if her first aid certificate needed to be renewed and she said no.

We then asked for Joyce to come for a second interview as I wanted to see her interaction with Ashton. Anyway she came in on Friday last week, but we had to put an offer on the table prior to her arriving as someone else wanted her already. So she arrived, we got talking, and I felt uneasy. Some other things didn't make sense - she never even did first aid training, had no experience with babies, had no idea how to hold him, her surname was different, she lived somewhere else, her son was 8 and not 5 among other things. This played on my mind the whole day and I felt I wouldn't be 100% comfortable with her looking after my baby unsupervised, although she was a really nice person. She reminded me a bit of Caster Semenya - both her voice and her face. Hubby got home after a while she left. Something came over me and as I closed the gate and turned to look at him, I burst into tears (yes, again!). Hubby gave me one of his big old bear hugs and I couldn't put my finger on it but in my heart of hearts I didn't want to leave my son with this woman. I suppose you don't want to leave your children with anyone, but I just couldn't leave him with HER. She didn't even know to hold his neck, or pick him up properly, and those are two basic things. The feeding didn't go that well either, and it wasn't that she was nervous. It seemed like she had never done this before. On Saturday morning I woke up with the same horrible feeling. I told my hubby about what was playing on my mind and said I was going to call the agency to chat to them. I'm so relieved I did that because it was actually huge mix up. They had 2 Joyces on the cards, and managed to swap them around. The real Joyce never got to meet us, but you could almost swear it was the right person at the first meeting. The agency was very apologetic and offered to fix the mess. I then immediately asked for Prosperous to come for a second interview as well as a meeting with the real Joyce. Thula had already been placed.

Let me just say, Prosperous came in on Sunday, and she was so good with Ashton that I felt 100% more comfortable with the idea of leaving him with her. She also used her own initiative and went on the child minding / baby care course and scored 97%. She didn't have first aid training though, but I'm happy to send her on it. We were supposed to meet real Joyce today, but the agency phoned to say she had injured herself and had to go to hospital. We then decided to go with Prosperous. I feel so bad for other Joyce though, as she now has to accept an offer (less money) from another family, but I can't let that stop me from hiring the right nanny for Ashton. He is the most important thing at the end of the day. I did request that the agency liaises with her regarding their mess up, and I told them I want another free course for Prosperous. She has already done the baby and toddler care course (which forms part of the placement fee), so no point in redoing it unless she plans to get 100%. The agency offered to cover her fees for a Home Care course, and I will be paying for her First Aid course.  Means she will have some additional qualifications to add to her CV.

In my heart of hearts, I don't think I'll ever really trust someone completely with my child, but with Prosperous I at least have a good feeling.

Things with hubby are okay.  I miss sleeping next to him.  I still sleep in the baby's room, but some nights I cuddle with hubby in our bed until it's time for him to go to sleep.  I really need to move back in there, I'm still his wife even though I've become a mother.  I guess I just want to be close in case the baby needs me so I'll deal with that another time.

Monday, October 1, 2012

My precious boy, life as a mom

Have I ever tried to explain just how much I love this little body?  Honestly, I don't think I could ever explain the love I feel for him.  It's like nothing else in this life.

Having been through some really rough days and nights and feeling so broken sometimes because I am so exhausted, I always manage to perk right up when I see his little face light up when he sees me. 

Did motherhood come easily?  Initially it didn't.  I was terrified.  Today though, or for now anyway, I think it is a bit easier.  You just follow your instinct, it really does kick in.  I've learnt not to doubt myself, although in the beginning I doubted abso;utely everything. 

Before I had a baby I never left the house without washing and blow drying my hair.  Never left home without makeup on.  I never had milk stains or gob all over my shirts, but now that I do it's okay.  I never felt at ease in my skin, but somehow I do now.  I was always organized and remembered most things.  These days I forget.  Call it sleep deprivation - actually I never got by on so little sleep.

Motherhood has been the most exhilirating, terrifying, extreme and most wonderful experience.  I've said before that having a baby has been the single most significant experience of my life.

Has it changed me?   Has he changed me? I think so.  I'll probably write a bit more on this topic later on, when I remember to.  What I will say though, is only now do I understand a mother's love.

The most amazing Doctor

This is the man that saved my life in 2010.  He is the most incredible doctor and person, and I just had to get a snap of him with Ashton.  I will always be grateful to him for saving me...

We have Smiles

I haven't had a chance to write, it's been a good few weeks since I last posted.  Life got a bit mad all of a sudden.  My little stringbean turned 3 months old on 28 September.  3 Months??!

Let me write an update seeing that it's been a while.

We took Ashton for his 10 week vaccinations on 8 September.  He cried a little bit, but then it was over.  No fever this time around.  The night before was a rough night.  For some reason he wasn't sleeping very well, and would be up every few minutes when he did fall asleep, most of the time he just wouldn't fall asleep.  Oh my word, I thought I was going to die.  I was exhausted, and tearful and hubby and I were fighting about this baby not sleeping.  Hubby was blaming me, saying it's my fault he won't sleep at night because he feels I let him sleep for too long during the day.  Babies need all the sleep they can get as far as I know. 

I felt like such a failure and burst into tears over and over again, everything just got too much.  I spent the entire Friday night crying, while doing yet another night shift (I do all of them).  For a moment I felt like I wanted to run away. 

At the clinic the nurse could see something was up and she asked that dreaded question - are you okay?  More tears.  She listened to both of us and said she understands both our points of view, gave us a business card for a sleep therapist if we really get desperate, and said it is rough.  She had child welfare rock up at her house because her baby just screamed day and night, nothing she did would work.  Ashton also had a few crying sessions, where he was inconsolable, which is like hell.  Nothing I did would comfort him.  I obviously misunderstood what hubby was trying to say (you will do that if you are broken from having no sleep), and he misunderstood me and my tears.  We were also given books to read on sleep, and advised to follow Sleep Sense, which I started reading that very day. Sleep Sense has been my saving grace. 

They also suggested we try soy formula, which was an utter disaster.  Never going to try that again.  If we want continuous screaming fits, we should stick to that.  Went back to using our good old S26 gold quick quick and he's far happier on that.

Ashton point blank refuses to let me swaddle him, while he's awake any way.  We had a few more difficult nights, but slowly it got better.  I now know how to "put" him to sleep - it works 7 times out of 10.  The trick is to get him into a drowsy state, when his eyes look like they are rolling back into his head (lol), or start getting so heavy he can't keep them open, that is when I swaddle him tightly, rock him a little longer and then put him down BEFORE he falls fast asleep.  If I wait till he's sleeping and then put him down in his cot, it's game over, I have these two round eyeballs looking right back at me and we have to start all over again. 

We finally got a smile!! I thought I was going to cry it was so awesome.  After those hectic days seeing him smile just made it all worthwhile.  We finally have a response.  He hasn't stopped smiling since, and it's the best thing ever.  I feel envious when he smiles at other people, I want them all to myself.

So we recorded our first smile at 10 weeks 4 days.  If you take his prematurity into account, his "adjusted age" was 4 weeks 4 days.   What a long time to wait to see this smile, but I tell you it is worth waiting for.  I could just melt.  These were the first smiles I managed to catch on camera.



Sunday, August 26, 2012

8 Weeks and Counting

I took Ashton for his 8 week checkup today. I also had my 6 week checkup at 11am (yes I am 2 weeks late). They are in the same building.

My appointment went well - The doctor asked a few questions, and did a scan on me and said "Okay, I see you are not pregnant, which is good" - I think for the first time I was relieved to hear that! We chatted for a while, about pregnancy and he said he felt so bad for us for trying for so long. He said it took him a long time to forget about my emergency surgery. He said he kept remembering how blue my face was, and that I told him "please don't let me die". The poor man! Anyway, he got to hold Ashton for a bit and even posed for a photo. Smiles all around. Both him and his receptionist said Ashton looks like Kevin! So it must be true, because everyone is saying that...

Ashton's appointment was at 1:15pm. I got there early and it was utter chaos. I said I'd sit and wait, but they sent me away and said I have to come back later grrr. And phone before I come. I had to feed and change my baby in the car. We then had a snooze while we waited for the time to pass. I turned the aircon on every now and then, it was quite warm out today. Snotty women. Anyway my phone died so I couldn't call. I went back at 1:45pm. Less chaos. Paed was running late. I finally got to go through to her room at 3:00pm only for her to run out to the hospital due to problems with a caesarian. Grrr. She was back by 3:30. I was given tea while I waited, and when she returned she offered me some biscuits which of course I helped myself to. Paying a fortune to be there, might as well make the most of it.

Anyway, she's very happy with Ashton. His pinky finger on his right hand isn't a worry just yet, she said it's just a quirk, and likely genetic. We must just keep an eye on it. So one of our families must have weird pinky fingers.

He weighs 4,58 kgs now and is 55 cms in length. Starting to grow like a weed, no wonder we have upped his formula so drastically. He's still considered small, but doing really well on the whole.

What a relief. So happy.

Oh, and I'm back to my pre-pregnancy weight. Well, considering I weighed this much, then lost 5 to 6 kgs, then gained a bit... just have a really wobbly tummy and love handles.

Else, we've had a few rough nights. Earlier this week, there was a suicide hour (or suicide night). He cried and cried and there was nothing I could do to console him. Kevin came in and took him from me, and he stopped. Just like that. I then burst into tears and came downstairs to make tea. Hubby calmed him down and when he got downstairs we chatted and he said we are a team and I shouldn't feel bad about what happened.

Hubby's dad popped in last weekend, we were alone in the baby's room and he told me he's been wanting to tell me something. I asked him what it is and he said "Thank you for giving me a grandson" and a big bear hug!  I just teared up.  Wish my family was as interested and wanted to be as big a part of Ashton's life as hubby's family does.  I feel so sad about this, but there is nothing I can do to change it.  I keep phoning, messaging, emailing photos.  My dad has visited twice, and didn't even come to the hospital, yet has visited his girlfriend's daughter's husband in hospital for 116 days in a row.  I just don't understand.  It really hurts.

Monday, August 20, 2012

Holding a New Baby

I've held babies before, and have always loved it (provided they were not screaming or crying), but since becoming a mom I think something has changed.

I went to visit a friend yesterday, she had just had her baby and I got to hold her.   The most beautiful, precious, tiny baby girl.  I can't explain the feeling I got, just that it was way stronger than ever before.  This was the first time I had held another newborn baby since having mine.  I think I melted. 

She was born at 37 weeks, 46 cms and around 2,2kgs - not far off on Ashton (he was born at 34 weeks, 48cms and 2,34kgs).  I kept staring down at that little bundle of pink thinking back to when Ashton was just born.  How tiny he was, just like this baby.  The little face that was smaller than the palm of my hand.  It's unreal how quickly we get used to our little ones, and how very quickly they grow, and change.  It's a reminder to enjoy every moment we have with them.

If I think about it, I got to have my baby for 6 weeks longer than the norm, and I've said this before, but I am still so amazed that they can be born so early and be so perfectly formed, even if so small.

I almost felt broody.  Actually, I think I did melt. 

Spitting Mad.

This made me so angry it needed its very own entry.


On Thursdays our housekeeper comes to do her magic, and I'm always so glad to see her because she brings order to the pile of ironing and the house.  However, I had misplaced my glasses and a pair of slippers, and also lost my house keys. Yes I am a real scatter brain sometimes, I think more so now that I have gained a mommy-brain.

Anyway, I asked her to please see if she can help me find the stuff. I also asked her to please look under the bed and told her I can't get under there just yet. I said I don't know why but I keep losing my things, I'm so scatterbrained since the baby came and would really appreciate her help.

And here we go.... the flipping woman ran to hubby and told him she is disgusted with me and that I accused used her of stealing my things!
WTH.  Well, needless to say, my blood started to boil especially since I have been nothing but nice to her since she started with us.  I do realise she may have been accused by someone else before, but honestly to run to my husband like a child?

So he has grouched at me for losing my house keys and glasses and then proceeded to ask me why I accused her of stealing? 

Give me an freaking break! I am so sleep deprived and I don't complain about it at all, however I'm not 100% so there is a huge possibility of me losing things.

I demanded her phone number and immediately phoned her.  I confronted her and told her I am very upset with her and how she handled this.  I then said I was asking her for help, which I will now never do again and if she is disgusted with me she better think good and hard about how I'm feeling right now. I said I expect her to talk to me if she is upset or feels there is a misunderstanding between us and not to run to my husband like a child, which has now caused us to fight.  I will not be undermined like this by 'my' housekeeper
All I got is 'sorry'.

When hubby and I were dating, he had a housekeeper prior to us getting together, and this woman couldn't stand me.  Kept undermining me and literally making my life hell - as if he was her man, and she was the 'woman' in his life taking care of him and who the hell am I.  I obviously had a flash back to this and I refuse to go down that road again.

I am still so angry about this. And this woman keeps dropping hints to Mil about wanting to be Ashton's nanny. Over my dead body.  Plus, who does she think pays her?

Hubby's First Pajama Drill

Last week I asked hubby if he could help me with the baby on Friday night because I really needed a good night's rest for my exam on Saturday morning.  His mom came over on Thursday as well to spend some time with Ashton, really love watching her with him, she's such a proud granny.  I had a huge migraine so ended up canceling book club (which I so look forward to every month) and she stayed the night.  Anyway, hubby agreed to help on Friday night.

On Friday morning I was up super early, got some studying done, then the three of us went to the mall (for ice cream!).  I had a Cloud 9, which is ice cream, with cookie dough, peanut butter, chocolate brownie and white chocolate sauce!  Definitely my favourite ice cream spot.  A bit pricey but I reckon we can go once a month for a treat. 

Spent some more time frantically doing revision exercises on Friday night and eventually turned in at 11pm.  Hubby had come to say good night and off he went, pillows in hand to the baby's room.  I did tell him to wake me up if Ashton get's realy niggly.  I guess he decided that I needed my sleep.

Shame, on Saturday morning he was a mess, I went in to check on them, and to take him some tea and say good morning, only to find him passed out under the duvet (with it over his head), the light on, baby plonked in the swing chair with his heady steady and no blanket.  He dressed him in a fluffy babygrow had turned up the heater so the room was like a hot summer's day. I said good morning and got a groan, then he lifted his head out of the duvet and I was greeted with big black rings under his eyes.  My hubby has never really been a night owl, so I kind of expected him to look like this!  He refused the tea, saying he would wake up and all he wanted to do was sleep.
I left for my exam, arrived there really early only to be told it is from 09h00, so I confirmed the venue, went to buy breakfast at the caffeteria, and then sat and twiddled my thumbs until it was time. I decided to leave my books at home, because I had convinced myself, what ever I didn't know by then, I wasn't going to know.  Nine 'o clock came and I made my way to the venue, greeted the room of strangers, found a chair and made myself comfortable.  When the exam started I went blank on question one, then the panic set in.  I totally freaked.  I then wondered if the boys at home were okay and decided to take a deep breath, calm down and carry on with the exam.  I read through the paper 3 times, highlighted important bits and then got down to business.  I finished 5 minutes before the bell went off, third last one to finish.  Now I wait for the results.
Afterwards I went to a birthday party, but got hopelessly lost (1 hour lost), and afterwards I stopped for petrol and paid with my card only to have the machine decline payment... then got sent inside to use another machine.  Thankfully my card worked, but once I was back in the car I got 4 sms' showing petrol money had been deducted. 

By then I was feeling exhausted by the day's events.  I made my way home, what a good feeling to be going home, my bed was calling me.  I stopped to pick up some lunch, and finally got home, only to find hubby passed out, baby in the chair, the house one big mess, and Mil trying to tidy up and organize everything again while keeping an eye on the baby.  Hubby had called his mom to come and help him, suppose it was all a bit much for him to handle, but he did really well.  He slept for most of the afternoon, and was happy that I had gotten some lunch for him, because he had woken up starving. 

I think hubby still has rings under his eyes.

Tuesday, August 14, 2012

Newborn Shoot Preview

I think he was a week old here.  So small and so thin! 




Hospital Shoot Preview

Aren't these precious?  Thanks Gaynor, I love every single one of them!





Maternity Shoot Sneak Peak

Here is a sneak peak - one of the pictures from our maternity shoot... I'll upload a few more when I get them.  As usual, Gaynor did a fab job! 

I was 33 weeks and 2 days pregnant here...


Then and Now


I was going through all the hospital photos and the photos from the newborn shoot and I'm blown away by how beautiful the pictures are. Can't believe how tiny Ashton was six weeks ago when he was born. He was only due last week, and we've already come so far. We have been so blessed, and the tears I cry today are tears of joy. Thank you God.

2 Days Old:


6 Weeks Old:

Snow Day

So 7 August dawned upon us, and a very cold day indeed. It snowed in Johannesburg! I loved it, felt like I was inside a snow globe. And it would have been Ashton's birthday!

If it wasn't for my hubby that called to tell me, I would have missed it completely because both Ashton and I were both snuggled up under the covers.

Here are some pictures. As much as I wanted to run outside to make a snow angel, I just stood and watched the snow falling from the comfort of the room...and the feeling soon passed.






Trip to Doctors' Rooms & 6 Week Vaccinations

Last week we noticed a red lump on Ashton's arm... and freaked out a little.  It looked like a spider bite.  I kept checking on him through the night 1) if it got any worse and 2) if he had a fever.  And nothing.  So I felt a little less freaked out.  The next day we took him to the doctor's rooms anyway just to be safe.  We were lucky enough to end up seeing a moron, and he had absolutely no idea what it was.  He then called another doctor in for a second opinion, and the both of them said it must be a cyst.  And we should "rush him to the paed".  They did, however, rule out the possibility of it being a bite mark.

After chatting to some friends we figured out it was likely just a reaction to his vaccinations done just after birth, flaring up almost 6 weeks later. One or two people said they can tell we are new parents, by rushing to the doctors' rooms - But I would much rather be safe than sorry, and this is our first trip to the doctors rooms so I think we're doing ok.

On Saturday morning we took him for his 6 week vaccinations at the baby clinic up the road, and low and behold, a poster on the wall with pictures of exactly the same red lump. 

Relief.

And so we realised thes are things they never tell you about.

But, surely doctors should all know what it is?

Anyway, my poor boy only cried a little while his vaccinations were done - his dad stayed with him and they sent me to reception to take the form in for capturing - I heard him all the way from there.  He was so miserable for the rest of the day, his legs were so sore he cried every time we touched them.  He's been really niggly ever since Saturday, and we are now sitting at Monday - I hope it passes soon.

On a nother note... boy I had no idea how expensive vaccinations are!  I phoned around for pricing as we had to have him vaccinated... and it's a good thing I was sitting down.  I asked about government stock which is free, except for an admin fee and at Clicks I was questioned as to where my baby was born, and then the woman told me we are not entitled to government stock if my baby was born at a private hospital.  I told her I'm unemployed and don't have a proper income right now so I can't afford it, and she didn't care.  It was a matter of 'you are not entitled'.  After chatting to some friends they said that is ridiculous, and shocking that this is the manner in which they treat people.  Complete discrimination.

I phoned a few other places and most didn't have any government stock, no questions about where my baby was born though.  I finally found a lovely baby clinic in Dunvegan, and they helped me out with no questions asked.  Unfortunately they hadn't received all their government stock yet, so we had to do a part payment but we were more than happy to do it. 

Vaccinations done.  Next vaccinations need to be done on 8 September.

He's still measuring small, but his progress is good, which is no wonder because he has outgrown a few of his preemie babygrows.  We dressed him in his first newborn outfit last week!  Most of them are still huge on him though but we'll get there.  I think his weight is due to his length, seems like he's a tall baby :)

Length 53cm
Weight 4,010kg

Here's a picture of the red lump (reaction to vaccinations):


The first newborn outfit that fits:

Saturday, July 28, 2012

Friday Outing...

Hubby took the day off work today, so that we could go to the IFS at the Dome.  I was so looking forward to getting a few things, and nothing.  I left with one tshirt.  Hubby found a few things though, as he usually does.  Never mind that I found nothing, the exhibition was so small, hardly any exhibitors and half of the stands were closed - what a disappointment!   AND - what, may I ask, are bikes and 4x4's doing at a fashion sale? After browsing through we sat and shared a sarmie, and then a chicken roti, and then left.

Besides that, it was a really good day out.  We got to spend some much needed "just us" time together - chatting and laughing, which actually we haven't done in quite a while.  After that we went for a drive, and did some more shopping.  I found a pair of black shoes - I've been wanting and looking for a pair for ages and after finding them I was happy that I got to go home with a new tshirt AND a pair of shoes. 

Needless to say, by the time we got home we were exhausted, and I was really missing my baby.  Feels like something is missing when I'm out without him.

A Dad's Love...

"Any man can be a father. It takes someone special to be a dad." ~Author Unknown

As I said before, my hubby is smitten with his little (our) boy.  He has all the time in the world for him, no matter how long it takes to wind him, or to console him when he's upset.  In the afternoons he's been spending more and more time with Ashton during his awake time.  Some afternoons they both have a snooze on the bed, and some afternoons it's all three of us.   

I think hubby has quite a bit of fun with the toys... he also lifts Ashton up and "shows" him the toys on the toy shelf, "shows" him his bedroom and the pictures on the wall, talks to him and reads stories to him.

It's been so amazing watching him turn into a dad.  I think I've fallen in love with him a little again since seeing this new side to him.

                                      

4 Weeks Old...


Another week done and Ashton is 4 weeks old.

He's gained so nicely, I had him weighed on Wednesday and he is now 3,02 kgs.  Still can't get over his size, for example, how tiny his little thumb is when compared to mine and how his bottle looks so big.
This little boy is such a blessing and I'm enjoying him so much.  He's getting stronger by the day.  Last week we were sitting downstairs and heard him over the monitor, he wasn't crying or anything but making his usual noises - grunting and so on - and then we heard a new noise.  Hubby went up to see what he was up to and he called me to come and see - Ashton had squirmed up and out of his blankets, and he was sucking on his little elephant toy which is attached to the side of the cot, quite a bit away from where he was sleeping.  We were completely amazed.  I'll try upload the video, but for now here's a photo:
Our puppy Pepper seems to have taken liking to him, or at least found her new favourite spot to lie... she came to have a snooze with us on the bed one afternoon and then later, when I went in to check on him she ran into the room and went to sit near to him, resting her front paws on him.  So sweet.
Last night Mil stayed over, and she did the pajama drill for me.  I got to sleep next to my hubby for the first time since we came home from the hospital.  Not that I got any rest - I woke up so often.  Today hubby and I spent the day together and his mom looked after Ashton for us.  We needed the time out together and it was actually such a good day today!  It was good for us to jave a little catch up.  I feel so blessed to have hubby's mom aound to help us, and she is just crazy about her grandson.  I've alrady asked her to come and watch him a few times.  Twice so that I could sleep, and once so that I could go to interviews.

We haven't received the results from Ashton's blood tests yet.  Can't remember if they were due this week or next week.  I'll phone to follow up though.

My brother came to visit and held Ashton for the first time.  He was so proud.  Totally out of his comfort zone though!  Shame he's been working so hard over the last few he looked exhausted - but still a very proud uncle.
Hubby is just smitten with his little boy.  It's so precious to see it can just melt your heart.  I'll do a separate post about this.  I love my boys so, so much! 

I really miss my mom.  Wish she would get better so that she can come and visit us.  I'm really worried about her.  I phoned her on Thursday last week and for the first time she openly told me about what happened to her, and her state of health.  We spoke for quite a long time, and had some laughs too - I had a complete blonde moment too.  She was telling me about how she still can't use her left hand because it's pretty much lame, and she gets really frustrated - a little example she gave was that her right arm has been so itchy and she couldn't even scratch it - so she told her doctor and the advice she got was to practice picking up some pieces of spaghetti out of a bowl... and put them down in another bowl.  Without thinking any further I asked her in a really confused state "but how does that help with your itch?" - there was silence on the phone and then we both burst into laughter. 

On the job front - I'm not stressing too much about finding a new job at this stage - there are a few opportunities out there, and I keep looking, so we will see what comes my way.  The thing I need to decide is, do I want a full time well paid job, or will I settle for less and be happy with that.  I always said I would never be able to be a stay at home mom, but after having Ashton I keep thinking that I actually could.

I had my hair done on Saturday - a little darker so that I won't have the expense of upkeep with the blonde for now.  It looks okay but I'll probably go blonde again at some stage.
Anyway.  If I could have anything, it would be for my mom to get better.  As for everything else, I have everything I need.