Blessed with Amazing Friends

Last night two friends and I had made arrangements to have dinner at me.  We planned to get chinese take aways from our favourite spot, and just enjoy the evening together, chatting and spending some girl time together.


There were a few surprises, and I love them for doing what they did.  


There was chinese food (enough to feed an army), home made virgin pina coladas (my absolute favourite cocktail),  home made cupcakes, and - I got spoilt with a pedi.  Just yesterday morning I was getting dressed for work and looked down to see my toe nails - every single one in need of desperate attention.  Can't remember when last I painted them, and I can't reach them any more any way.  The polish had started wearing off, really badly but now they are all pretty again and painted blue!


I had such a fantastic evening.  So blessed to have such amazing friends, they are so special to me.  The last few weeks have been really rough, and after last night I feel wonderful, albeit a bit tired - it was so worth it.  We must spent the most part of the evening laughing, about all sorts of things, and all sorts of stories.


Hubby also joined in for chinese, and then he went to watch his soccer match in bed.  At eleven he popped his head down stairs and said he knows we're all having fun, but it's nearly 12 and I'm going to be tired in the morning.  We all giggled, and said 'yes dad' back to him.  I eventually got to bed just after 12.

Life As We Know It...

Very soon, life as we know it is going to be changed forever.  


In 8 days, my miracle baby boy will be born, and although he will be 6 weeks early, we can't wait to finally have him here with us.  I pray that he will be born healthy, and without any serious problems.  I know I am in the best hands with regards to the surgery, my doctor saved my life once before so I trust him completely.   


We went on a tour of the hospital yesterday afternoon, and all of a sudden this all started feeling so real.  We got to see the labour wards, the nursery, a slight glimpse of the theatre and the post natal wards.  I wish we had some extra money so I could have a nice room to be by myself, but I'll make do with the general ward, it's actually not that bad at all.


We did our 'final' shopping on Saturday morning...  and we managed to get everything except for preemie baby grows, which I found the day before yesterday - to fit babies up to 2,5kg.  One would think these would be easier to find.  I must say I've noticed hubby's been far more protective since Saturday.  He wouldn't let me stand too close to anyone in case they bumped into me, or knocked me over... even walking through busy parts he would walk first, making me follow.  I wonder what he's feeling, and what he's thinking...  he doesn't say too much, but I do know that he is ecstatic and also cannot wait to meet our son.


On a positive note, we finally settled on an agreement at work.  I'm getting a retrenchment package, and all the paperwork has been sorted out and signed, including my UIF documents.  My last day of work is Monday, 25th June, and then I become a stay at home wife and mom.  I'll start looking for a new job in September, depending on how it goes with our little boy.  I've been so stressed about being unemployed and about finances, I almost couldn't think straight.  


My mom really wants to come and visit us, but she's still not 100% health wise.  She does sound so much better on the phone - not her old self though.  She was talking about taking the bus.  I worry about her so much.  I feel that a bus ride is too long for her in her condition, and that she shouldn't come up until she's made a good recovery, I would hate if something had to happen while she's here and have to take her to a government hospital.  I also know she still has a lot of doctors' visits ahead of her so she needs to go to them.


On Friday night I had a good cry.  I have been so stressed about money, work, my mom and baby.   Hubby and I also had a serious budget meeting, which ended up in us having a good laugh - I really needed that.  We worked through everything and he reassured me that we will be ok.  I am putting my worries aside, and trust that by God's grace, everything will work out just fine.


This Saturday is my final bookkeeping exam - yes I've stuck it out.  I actually got 75% for my test, which counts as 40% of the final mark.  I haven't had much time to study given the stuff going on, but I am sure I will be just fine.


Sunday is our maternity shoot - which I'm really looking forward to.  I've also booked our newborn shoot which will be done at the hospital - I'm so, so excited for this.


Yes, although our arms have been empty for such a long time wanting a baby of our own, one of our biggest dreams is about to come true.  I cannot wait for the moment my tiny miracle will be handed to me.  He's already anchored in my heart.


Life as we know it... 
Everything will change :)

A Child's Ten Commandments to Parents

The other day I read a quote that went something like this:  May I always remember that the little things in life, are really the big things.  Then, today, I found "a child's ten commandments" here, and thought I would post a copy so that I can remember it.  


A Child’s Ten Commandments to Parents, by Dr. Kevin Leman

1. My hands are small; please don’t expect perfection whenever I make a bed, draw a picture, or throw a ball.  My legs are short; please slow down so that I can keep up with you.
2. My eyes have not seen the world as your have; please let me explore safely: don’t restrict me unnecessarily.
3. Housework will always be there.  I’m only little for a short time-please take time to explain things to me about this wonderful world, and do so willingly.
4. My feelings are tender; please be sensitive to me needs; don’t nag me all day long. (You wouldn’t want to be nagged for your inquisitiveness.) Treat me as you would want to be treated.
5. I am a special gift from God; please treasure me as God intended you to do, holding me accountable for my actions, giving me guidelines to live by, and disciplining me in a loving manner.
6. I need your encouragement, but not your praise, to grow.  Please go easy on the criticism; remember, you can criticize the things I do without criticizing me.
7. Please give me the freedom to make decisions concerning myself.  Permit me to fail, so that I can learn from my mistakes.  Then someday I’ll be prepared to make the kind of decisions life requires of me. 
8. Please don’t do things over for me.  Somehow that makes me feel that my efforts didn’t quite measure up to your expectations.  I know it’s hard, but please don’t try to compare me with my brother or sister.
9. Please don’t be afraid to leave for a weekend together.  Kids needs vacations from their parents, just as parents need vacations from kids.  Besides, it’s a great way to show us kids that your marriage is very special.
10. Please take me to Sunday school and church regularly, setting a good example for me to follow.  I enjoy learning more about God.

Dr Appointment 11 June - Birth-day Decided

I was a bit worried on Friday because for a long time I coudn't feel the baby move around - I phoned the Dr and he said if nothing happens within an hour I should get to the labour ward.  I ate a nice big chocolate and drank some orange juice and a while later I felt him moving around again, but not as strong as before.   I had also booked to see the Dr this afternoon, just to be safe.


Today's appointment didn't go as well as I had hoped.  I'm 31 weeks 4 days along.  Baby is stressed, there is almost no fluid left (5,5cm with the amniotic fluid index), but he has gained 303g - he weighs 1,919kg now.  I'm sure it's all partly because of all the Milo I've been drinking.  He hasn't turned, and doesn't have enough fluid to try, feet are at his face so he's still breech.  He also said that babies that have been stressed normally do very well. The umbilical chord is near his neck, doesn't look like it's around, but hanging just behind. I'm wasn't so comfortable hearing that though. 

Dr doesn't want to take any chances and will deliver him by CS on 28 June if nothing happens sooner, but basically my bags have to be packed and ready.  My next appointment is on 26 June, and then we will run through everything with the Dr, what will happen, who's who and hopefully also get to meet the Paed.  Dr told us that he always trusts a mother's instinct and that we should rather err on the side of caution and go to the labour ward immediately if I am worried or if I feel that anything could be wrong.

Dr said he hopes our baby will be around 2,4kg by then, and I'll be 34 weeks on the dot.  He thinks there is a good chance that baby will not have to be kept in NICU and that we will be able to take him home when it's home time.  His little lungs should be good to go, given the steroid injections I had the other day.

This is all happening so fast, I can't really think straight.  I can't remember what we did with today's scan either, I think maybe we left it there at the doctor's rooms.  Can't really blame us, can you?

When he told us we both kind of just sat there, not really knowing what to say.  I knew there was a possibility of the baby still arriving early, but nothing can prepare you for hearing those words.  We drove home, got inside and sat down, mostly in silence.  I think hubby's head was racing just as much as mine was.  We phoned our families to give them the news and watched some TV together.  Later we started chatting a little, and I asked him if he is ready to be a dad and he said he's been ready all along.  He also said he can't wait to have Ashton here with us, and then asked me how I feel.  I don't know.  We also laughed.  

I feel scared, nervous, overwhelmed, worried, excited, and so many other feelings all at once.  Almost as if I'm in disbelief.  This all feels so unreal.  I know we are in good hands, just that there is so much to try and sort in the next 2 weeks, and then there is the work situation.  I already emailed the directors to give them the news and tell them I need my retrenchment and maternity package sorted out.  I'm stressing about having to leave without having this resolved.

But - one thing I can say, is that I've never felt all the feelings I'm feeling now, all at once.  I can't explain, it's so soon, but we've waited for so long for this little miracle so I am beyond happy that we will get to bring him home in the next few weeks (days!).  God has this.  We've been in His hands all along.  I think 'life' could be about to begin.  

My Take on Family and Friends

This weekend was my planned baby shower with family and friends.  Hubby had arranged to have a braai for the guys and girls after who wanted to stay.  My dad was also invited, and his girlfriend and her daughter were invited to the shower.  I had to remind him to RSVP this week, and didn't hear from him again.  


On Saturday morning  I went to school, it was our last lecture - uh oh, 2 weeks to go until our final exam.  It was freezing cold.  Afterwards I came home, had a hot cup of milo and popped out to the shops.  My planned baby shower was going to start at 2pm and I wanted to get a few snacks or sarmies to add to the table.  My last stop was PNP, I went in to get a few bags of chips.  Just as I got to the till I got an sms from my dad.  They are not coming.  No reason either, except for sorry, and he will see me in the week.  I paid and got back to the car as fast as possible because I could feel that I was about to burst into tears.  I sat in my car for a few minutes and just and cried my heart out.  Yet another disappointment, thanks dad.  I actually don't know why every time, I think he will actually show up.  My mom can't be here as it is, I was so hoping that my dad would.  I am so heart sore and so angry.  I had to go to his girlfriend's daughter's baby shower, and I had just lost my baby, but I did it.  I went.  You would think that my dad would want to be a part of my life, a part of my son's life.  I'm not going to force the issue or put in any extra effort any more.  I'm really sad to say, but I am done.


I cried all the way home, only to find my step sister and friend had arrived to set up.  Couldn't hide my big red eyes though.  Hubby and everyone asked what had happened and I cried some more when I told them.  They said I shouldn't let this upset me, but it still does.  


I learnt this weekend who my 'family' is, and I am so thankful to have these people my life.  My mom in law is the most special woman ever, and she's been such a blessing in my life.  She spent the night here on Saturday night, and we stayed up chatting, snuggled on the couch.  I know my mom would have been here if she could, and I miss her so much.


The day turned out to be incredible, and so much fun, after such a sad start.  Everyone seemed to have gotten along so well and I have a few more new and wonderful memories to carry with me.  We even ended up having a cake fight!  Icing in your hair is not fun to try and wash out, but it was so worth it in the end.


So yes, I am starting my own little family with a bit of a sad heart - but I know that I will do everything in my power so that my boy never has to feel the way I did on Saturday, as well as every time I was disappointed, and every time I wished my parents would be there when they never were.  I will be there for him, come rain or shine, happiness or sadness, every day of my life.  I will eventually make peace with the fact that some might not want to be part of it, but for now I'm heart sore and angry and that's ok too.  And, the best of all is I am  starting to love my hubby that much more - can't wait for him to meet his son!


The deeper that sorrow carves into your being, the more joy you can contain.  ~Kahlil Gibran

This is Me @ 31 Weeks

This is Me @ 30 Weeks

Hit 30 Weeks last Thursday...!  Can't see my toes any more...

Nursery Project: Picture Frames Up

The nursery is starting to look nice - hubby put up the picture frames yesterday.  It sure took him a while!  Anyway, they aren't 'perfectly hung' but I think they look pretty cute.  He still has to put up the little yellow mirrors and the shelves, which he said he'll do on Thursday.  I should really take the pictures during the day, they come out far better, but here are some sneak peaks... 

The "art wall" done above the bed, and also the cot...

Some pics of me, and one of Ashton's awesome little shoe collection.

Welcome Me to Retrenchment City

Last week was a bit of a hectic week work wise.  On Tuesday I was told I'm being retrenched.  Nice, with a pregnant belly nobody is going to hire me.  I'm waiting to hear what the package is, but this really sucks.  I am refusing to let this stress me out, even though it's really difficult, so for now I'm just trying not to think about it too much.  I have been in touch with a labour attorney, as well as a labour consultant, so I know what my rights are, and now we wait to hear what the immediate future will bring.  Hubby's been really supportive, which I really needed right now - if he wasn't I'd probably be a complete mess.  Maybe this is a blessing in disguise, and maybe something wonderful is going to come my way.  

There are unfortunately no pretty pictures I can insert with this post, just the ugly truth in plain writing :(