Heading for 4 Months...

Wow, what a year it's been.  I often sit in wonder when I think about all that has happened in 2012.  My little miracle boy is my reason for being and I feel so blessed to have him.  He is changing so quickly, and is his own little person already, and at times I think he has a really big personality for such a small boy.

October has been a mad month, I've had almost no time to do any blogging, so I'll do yet another flash update.  

Ashton has started doing so many new things...  he has started giggling and laughing, I can't help but laugh because it is so adorable.  Other than that, he smiles so often now, and chats to me about all sorts of things that for now only he will know about. He's mimicking sounds, moving his head in the direction of things - try walk away from him and he follows you.  

He loves to be held up in the air and moved from side to side, and if you make faces at him while he's up there, or smile at him he squeals in delight.  He must think we are silly.  You will be surprised at the things you do as a parent to try and get a response.  He is also sitting with support, but sometimes falls over.  We just say boom and smile at him, and then he smiles right back, no tears.

I got home yesterday to find him holding his zebra rattle, shaking it to hear the noise, and then grabbing it with his other hand and bringing it straight to his mouth.  There was gob every where.  He has been drooling up a storm.  Or a river.  He's also discovered the tags on his taglet, which is so awesome to watch.  I can sit for hours watching him play, it really does feel like I'm experiencing life through his eyes.  And I am going to be missing out on so much when I go back to work.

Sleeping is generally going okay.  Not wonderful.  What I will say though is we had a record night on Wednesday night.  He passed out at 20h45 but not without a fight - took me 45 minutes to get him down.  After his bath and massage, I dressed him in his pajamas and the second I had popped the last button in place, the crying started.  He cried and cried, and it got progressively worse.  He knew it was bed time and he wasn't having any of it.  Nothing.  Couldn't even bring the blanket close to try and wrap him.  Before long he was screaming, nothing I could do would make him stop.  I stood up, sat down, did both and rocked him, put him down on his back, his side, his tummy, you name it, nothing worked.  I put him down one last time and re-wrapped him, leaned him onto his changing mat, and supporting him with my arms I rocked him.  Next minute he just passed out.  Relief.  

Last night he woke up at 23h00, not because he was hungry, but because he was getting cold.  I wrapped him up again and cuddled him for a bit and then he went right back to sleep. 

It's actually quite sweet when he starts crying, he pushes his bottom lip out and does a sad little moan, which turns into a tiny little cry.  When it goes on forever though is when I forget all about how sweet it can be.

I've also spent a lot of my time this month training for my new job and I've been enjoying it so much.  I started with training on 3rd October and my last session will be on 31st October.  I am really excited to make a fresh start. 

To be honest, I have been a feeling a little down about leaving my baby when I return to work, for no other reason than feeling he might forget who I am.  In my heart of hearts I know he won't forget me, but there were two days when I got home from training and he didn't even give me a glance.  On both occasions it was quite a while before he noticed me, and then we were back to cooing and smiling and just melting his mommy's heart as per normal.

On Thursday morning I was cooling down a bottle in the bathroom basin, with Ashton in my arms.  He started gurgling and laughing and then I realised he had noticed himself in the mirror and was going beserk.  Too cute.  I took him into the bathroom again this morning and got a repeat - I must remember to take a video of it for keepsake.   

Speaking of videos... my father in law got us a video camera as a gift for our birthdays, it's so awesome!  Mind you, I made it to the big three oh this month.  It was an awesome pool party, three of us decided to combine our birthdays into one big bash.  I have to remember to post pictures at some stage.

We went for a free trial class at Edenvale Moms and Babes last week.  It was great.  You wouldn't think so, but it's a lot of stimulation for the little ones.  Ashton just plain refused to do a few of the exercises, and started moaning, and then crying.  He then went back to moaning, and then started gurgling and making loud noises so he became the centre of attention - luckily everyone else laughed.  I got to hear about so many new things and got a chance to chat to other moms afterwards, it was really informative.  Something that was said about the babies was that all of a sudden it will seem like a light switch went on, and they become totally aware of their surroundings.  I think it happened this week.

Ashton will be 4 months old in two days' time.  Just look at him.

    

Baby Milestones: 1 to 6 Months

I found this list on iVillage, thought I'd repost here so I can keep a record of the milestones, when they typically happen and when Ashton reaches them.

By the end of month one a baby typically:

Lifts head for short periods of time

Moves head from side to side

Prefers the human face to other shapes

Makes jerky, arm movements

Brings hands to face

Has strong reflex movements

Can focus on items 8 to 12 inches away

May turn towards familiar sounds or voices

Responds to loud sounds

Blinks at bright lights

By the end of month two a baby typically:

Smiles

Tracks objects with his eyes

Makes noises other than crying

May repeat vowel noises, such as "ah" or "ooh"

By the end of month three a baby typically:

Raises head and chest when put on tummy

Lifts head up 45 degree

Kicks and straightens legs when on back

Open and shuts hands

Pushes down with legs when placed on a hard surface

Reaches for dangling objects

Grasps and shakes hand toys

Tracks moving objects

Begins to imitate sounds

Recognizes familiar objects and people, even at a distance

Begins to develop a social smile

Begins to develop hand-eye coordination

Brings both hands together

Interested in circular and spiral patterns

Kicks legs energetically

Holds head up with control

By the end of month four a baby typically:

May sleep about six hours at night before waking (total sleep typically 14 to 17 hours)

Rolls over (usually stomach to back is first)

Sits with support

Lifts head up 90 degrees

Can follow a moving object for a 180-degree arc

Babbles and amuses self with new noises

Responds to all colors and shades

Explores objects with his mouth

Recognizes a bottle or breast

Communicates pain, fear, loneliness and discomfort through crying

Responds to a rattle or bell

By the end of month five a baby typically:

Pays attention to small objects

Experiments with the concept of cause and effect

Can see across the room

Begins to use hands in a raking fashion to bring toys near

Begins teething process

By the end of month six a baby typically:

Keeps head level when pulled to sitting position

Makes some vowel-consonant sounds

Sits by self with minimal support

Opens mouth for spoon

Reaches for and grabs objects

Rolls over and back

Drinks from a cup with help

Can hold bottle

Copies some facial expressions

Makes two-syllable sounds

Chatting and Blowing Bubbles!

Over the last week Ashton has started "chatting" to us, he gurgles, blows bubbles, and makes little cooing noises.  I was wondering when he would start doing this.  He's also started tracking things, like if I get up and walk away he will follow me with his eyes until he can't see me any more.  Then sometimes (okay a lot of the time) he will 'shout' or 'call' for us.  He does this when he is alone in his cot and wants company, when he's had enough of something, sometimes when he's hungry and generally anything else.  It's so incredible to see these changes happening, and the most amazing thing about it is that these are things that can't be taught - they just happen naturally.  This weekend he made a new sound "ba" and we obviously smiled huge smiles and thought he is the most brilliant baby ever (as all parents do).  Today he made a "ga" sound. 

On Friday I put him in his play gym for a while, with a magazing under his feet.  He went crazy kicking up the pages and even lifted both his legs up and tried to kick the dinosaurs which were hanging from the top bar.  He's been pushing with his legs, eager to get moving I guess but in actual fact he doesn't really go anywhere.  The latest thing is he tries to immitate sounds, it's so sweet to see him trying. 

So many new things happening, seems to be all the time!

So at nearly 3 months Ashton has started doing all these things.  I need to keep records of when he hits milestones for his paed and the nurses at the baby clinic.  This adjusted age thing confuses me sometimes, but all in all we are sure he's doing really well in terms of development.  Proud parents over here!!

Breastfeeding

This one needed its own post.  Breasfeeding hasn't come easily to me.  It has been nothing less than one huge struggle from the start.  In fact, I'm still struggling - but persisting.

I have tried the jungle juice, even the old wive's tales.

Prolak works, but at R200 a bottle I can't afford it.
Fenugreek is a waste of time.

I finally went the Egynol route (maybe that's to blame for all the tears recently?) and it worked.  Tomorrow I take my last tablets though, so I am now stressing about what is going to happen to my supply. 

I've been expressing, massaging, trying to breastfeed, standing under a hot shower.... ever since Ashton came home, and it's now going on 3 months.  I'll still persist because I really want to breastfeed, but I won't lie it is so frustrating! 

Ashton has been latching really nicely since he hit 3,5kgs, but the last few days he just prefers his bottle.  So I express, and massage, and take tablets, and stand under a hot shower...
Wish me luck.

A General Update

As of 1 November 2012 I will no longer be an unemployment statistic.  I have found what seems to be an awesome job!  I was starting to seriously run out of money with all the expenses we've incurred since Ashton's birth, and I believe this position came around at just the right time.  I'm excited to make a fresh start.  I went for my first interview at the beginning of August, second interview at the end of August.  I was upfront about my start date, and that I needed time off in December and that was alright with them. 

I was feeling so heart sore from missing my mom that I phoned my stepdad to ask him if she would be okay to come for a visit.  It was difficult to get her to the airport, so she caught the bus.  I bought her a ticket and when I phoned to tell her she was coming to visit she cried out of happiness!  She spent the entire day hugging her dog.  She is spending a week and a half with us, and might extend her stay to spend some time with my brother.  Anyway, here's a funny story - I put a special note on her ticket about her condition and that she can be forgetful - just as well.  Her bus arrived really late, I actually started worrying that she was stranded somewhere.  Her phone died when she reached Welkom, so that was the last message I had received.  When she arrived I ran to the bus door to get her, and the hostesses gave me her things, and also helped her get off the bus.  We then got into the car and I was about to head home when she said she had forgotten her suitcases!  So we stop the car, climb out and there 2 of the crew come running, both yelling that we are forgetting her luggage!  Lol.  So they brought her 4 bags to the car and we got them loaded.  I should have known, my mom still doesn't travel light.  We had a good giggle in the end.  I got a bit of a fright when I first saw her get off that bus, looked like she had aged 20 years.  Her hair was scraggly and the last dye job had just about grown out, nails long and nail polish half rubbed off, eyes older than I had ever seen. We did mani's and a fresh dye job and she already felt so much better!

Things with my dad are going better for now.  I sent him an email telling him about how I feel, and he replied eventually.  We mailed back and forth a few times, and we went to them one Sunday afternoon to celebrate a birthday.  I just needed him to know how hurt I had been feeling, especially since he didn't even come to the hospital to see his new grandson.  He said he would try to visit more.

My brother is doing as well as always.  He's career obsessed.  His girlfriend isn't well though, she's been diagnosed with Ankolysing Spondalitus (sp?) - which means she is in excruciating pain most of the time.  I pray that they will find a cure.  My brother is so stressed about it.  She is his "one" and I think he would fall apart if anything ever had to happen to her.

I finally did get to write my exam in August - can't remember now if I've posted about that, but I got 91% for it in the end.  I passed with distinction.  I see that as a huge feat, considering the circumstances at the time, so I'm really pleased with myself.

We have hired a Nanny for Ashton.  We went through an agency... Nannies In Training. I heard that apparently they are excellent. We chose 6 CVs out of the 12 that were sent to us. Two were already placed, my first and third choice. Last Sunday we interviewed the 4 ladies at Wimpy. Joyce was our first choice based on the CVs. Three of the ladies interviewed really well, and hubby preferred Joyce in person, I really liked Prosperous and Thula. I liked Joyce but had a sense that something was off as one or two things on her CV didn't make sense. We wrote them off as just being a typo. The reason we would have gone with Joyce was due to her having been on a first aid course already, and on paper she seemed a good fit. I asked her if her first aid certificate needed to be renewed and she said no.

We then asked for Joyce to come for a second interview as I wanted to see her interaction with Ashton. Anyway she came in on Friday last week, but we had to put an offer on the table prior to her arriving as someone else wanted her already. So she arrived, we got talking, and I felt uneasy. Some other things didn't make sense - she never even did first aid training, had no experience with babies, had no idea how to hold him, her surname was different, she lived somewhere else, her son was 8 and not 5 among other things. This played on my mind the whole day and I felt I wouldn't be 100% comfortable with her looking after my baby unsupervised, although she was a really nice person. She reminded me a bit of Caster Semenya - both her voice and her face. Hubby got home after a while she left. Something came over me and as I closed the gate and turned to look at him, I burst into tears (yes, again!). Hubby gave me one of his big old bear hugs and I couldn't put my finger on it but in my heart of hearts I didn't want to leave my son with this woman. I suppose you don't want to leave your children with anyone, but I just couldn't leave him with HER. She didn't even know to hold his neck, or pick him up properly, and those are two basic things. The feeding didn't go that well either, and it wasn't that she was nervous. It seemed like she had never done this before. On Saturday morning I woke up with the same horrible feeling. I told my hubby about what was playing on my mind and said I was going to call the agency to chat to them. I'm so relieved I did that because it was actually huge mix up. They had 2 Joyces on the cards, and managed to swap them around. The real Joyce never got to meet us, but you could almost swear it was the right person at the first meeting. The agency was very apologetic and offered to fix the mess. I then immediately asked for Prosperous to come for a second interview as well as a meeting with the real Joyce. Thula had already been placed.

Let me just say, Prosperous came in on Sunday, and she was so good with Ashton that I felt 100% more comfortable with the idea of leaving him with her. She also used her own initiative and went on the child minding / baby care course and scored 97%. She didn't have first aid training though, but I'm happy to send her on it. We were supposed to meet real Joyce today, but the agency phoned to say she had injured herself and had to go to hospital. We then decided to go with Prosperous. I feel so bad for other Joyce though, as she now has to accept an offer (less money) from another family, but I can't let that stop me from hiring the right nanny for Ashton. He is the most important thing at the end of the day. I did request that the agency liaises with her regarding their mess up, and I told them I want another free course for Prosperous. She has already done the baby and toddler care course (which forms part of the placement fee), so no point in redoing it unless she plans to get 100%. The agency offered to cover her fees for a Home Care course, and I will be paying for her First Aid course.  Means she will have some additional qualifications to add to her CV.

In my heart of hearts, I don't think I'll ever really trust someone completely with my child, but with Prosperous I at least have a good feeling.

Things with hubby are okay.  I miss sleeping next to him.  I still sleep in the baby's room, but some nights I cuddle with hubby in our bed until it's time for him to go to sleep.  I really need to move back in there, I'm still his wife even though I've become a mother.  I guess I just want to be close in case the baby needs me so I'll deal with that another time.

My precious boy, life as a mom

Have I ever tried to explain just how much I love this little body?  Honestly, I don't think I could ever explain the love I feel for him.  It's like nothing else in this life.

Having been through some really rough days and nights and feeling so broken sometimes because I am so exhausted, I always manage to perk right up when I see his little face light up when he sees me. 

Did motherhood come easily?  Initially it didn't.  I was terrified.  Today though, or for now anyway, I think it is a bit easier.  You just follow your instinct, it really does kick in.  I've learnt not to doubt myself, although in the beginning I doubted abso;utely everything. 

Before I had a baby I never left the house without washing and blow drying my hair.  Never left home without makeup on.  I never had milk stains or gob all over my shirts, but now that I do it's okay.  I never felt at ease in my skin, but somehow I do now.  I was always organized and remembered most things.  These days I forget.  Call it sleep deprivation - actually I never got by on so little sleep.

Motherhood has been the most exhilirating, terrifying, extreme and most wonderful experience.  I've said before that having a baby has been the single most significant experience of my life.

Has it changed me?   Has he changed me? I think so.  I'll probably write a bit more on this topic later on, when I remember to.  What I will say though, is only now do I understand a mother's love.

The most amazing Doctor

This is the man that saved my life in 2010.  He is the most incredible doctor and person, and I just had to get a snap of him with Ashton.  I will always be grateful to him for saving me...

We have Smiles

I haven't had a chance to write, it's been a good few weeks since I last posted.  Life got a bit mad all of a sudden.  My little stringbean turned 3 months old on 28 September.  3 Months??!

Let me write an update seeing that it's been a while.

We took Ashton for his 10 week vaccinations on 8 September.  He cried a little bit, but then it was over.  No fever this time around.  The night before was a rough night.  For some reason he wasn't sleeping very well, and would be up every few minutes when he did fall asleep, most of the time he just wouldn't fall asleep.  Oh my word, I thought I was going to die.  I was exhausted, and tearful and hubby and I were fighting about this baby not sleeping.  Hubby was blaming me, saying it's my fault he won't sleep at night because he feels I let him sleep for too long during the day.  Babies need all the sleep they can get as far as I know. 

I felt like such a failure and burst into tears over and over again, everything just got too much.  I spent the entire Friday night crying, while doing yet another night shift (I do all of them).  For a moment I felt like I wanted to run away. 

At the clinic the nurse could see something was up and she asked that dreaded question - are you okay?  More tears.  She listened to both of us and said she understands both our points of view, gave us a business card for a sleep therapist if we really get desperate, and said it is rough.  She had child welfare rock up at her house because her baby just screamed day and night, nothing she did would work.  Ashton also had a few crying sessions, where he was inconsolable, which is like hell.  Nothing I did would comfort him.  I obviously misunderstood what hubby was trying to say (you will do that if you are broken from having no sleep), and he misunderstood me and my tears.  We were also given books to read on sleep, and advised to follow Sleep Sense, which I started reading that very day. Sleep Sense has been my saving grace. 

They also suggested we try soy formula, which was an utter disaster.  Never going to try that again.  If we want continuous screaming fits, we should stick to that.  Went back to using our good old S26 gold quick quick and he's far happier on that.

Ashton point blank refuses to let me swaddle him, while he's awake any way.  We had a few more difficult nights, but slowly it got better.  I now know how to "put" him to sleep - it works 7 times out of 10.  The trick is to get him into a drowsy state, when his eyes look like they are rolling back into his head (lol), or start getting so heavy he can't keep them open, that is when I swaddle him tightly, rock him a little longer and then put him down BEFORE he falls fast asleep.  If I wait till he's sleeping and then put him down in his cot, it's game over, I have these two round eyeballs looking right back at me and we have to start all over again. 

We finally got a smile!! I thought I was going to cry it was so awesome.  After those hectic days seeing him smile just made it all worthwhile.  We finally have a response.  He hasn't stopped smiling since, and it's the best thing ever.  I feel envious when he smiles at other people, I want them all to myself.

So we recorded our first smile at 10 weeks 4 days.  If you take his prematurity into account, his "adjusted age" was 4 weeks 4 days.   What a long time to wait to see this smile, but I tell you it is worth waiting for.  I could just melt.  These were the first smiles I managed to catch on camera.