MyGodleyLife: Ashton

Okay so I am starting to think the sleep deprivation is messing with my ears. They did prick my little guy again today. Hubby said I must have confused two different conversations.

The bloods will be sent off on Monday, so hopefully we'll have the results soon. My little guy was really brave - I am petrified of needles, even more so after that woman got hold of me in hospital, but he did really well. Just a small cry and it was over.

We also went to have him weighed. I'm so relieved, he's gained 180 grams in the last 5 days and weighs 2,38kgs now - still tiny but definitely growing. He was supposed to gain no less than 150 grams by next Monday, over and above his 2,2kgs.

After we got home I pretty much spent the afternoon sleeping, thankfully hubby was working from home so he helped out with feeding and changing - and this afternoon he came to have a snooze with us. I even got breafast in bed this morning. Trying to get up was another story though. I think I was beyond exhausted today.

A little update on Ashton - he's definitely more alert this week, looking around, sticking his tongue out, pulling faces (shame, I often laugh at him - seems he can't control his facial expressions just yet - some of the expressions are priceless!), lifting his head up when I hold him against my chest burping him, making little noises here and there.

I love my little family xx

This is Ashton's birth story, or at least how I remember it to be.

MIL stayed over the night before, and the three of us spent the evening chatting. I packed the last of my hospital things and made sure everything was ready for the morning. I had a really good night's sleep, after lying awake for a while wondering about everything - so many lasts leading up to the few weeks, and so many amazing firsts we'll get to experience. I had been bit worried if our baby would be okay and if there would be any complications, and if he would need to be hooked up to tubes. I wondered how small he would be and if I hoped that I would be a good-enough mom.

Thursday morning we all got up at about 7, got ready and made our way to the hospital. Think we arrived at about 9, and our Dr was already there waiting for us. We were checked in to the labour ward, and I got into a set of hospital pajamas - got to love those things, and into bed. They hooked me up to a monitor, and the nurse came to try put in my drip - which was terrible. The vein in my hand popped so she stopped what she was doing and said the Dr will try again later. The Aneasthetist arrived, wearing a red jacket and introduced herself, and proceeded to try insert the drip again. This time in my wrist, and my vein fell flat - and the next thing I was bleeding everywhere. On the bed, on her, on the floor, on hubby who was sitting just behind her. I thought him and MIL were going to faint. She then tried in the inside of my elbow, and thank heavens it worked. By now I was a nervous wreck, and dreading having this woman doing the spinal.

Eventually someone came in and said we'll make our way to theatre in half an hour's time. I think I broke into a cold sweat. Half an hour came and went and then it was time to go. I can't describe how I felt. Excited, anxious, happy, worried, nervous, terrified, all in one. We said good bye to MIL and walked to theatre. I remember stepping over the red line where it says do not enter, sterile - thinking here we go now, no turning back.

I looked around theatre, couldn't believe all the stuff needed for this. All the tools and all the green sheeting. I climbed onto the bed and sat and waited, while getting hooked up. Hubby went to change into his scrubs, I just wanted him back with me so I could feel calm again and when he walked through the doors I felt instantly better.

Time for the spinal. I had a pillow on my lap, feet on a chair in front of me. Someone was standing in front of me holding me and the lady in red behind. I turned my head to see what was going on, and they said I mustn't look. Hubby was keeping an eye on them, camera in hand. She then said sit still - and in went the needle. I felt every move and I turned into a big baby. She pulled it out and tried again, this time my leg started jittering. I was told to sit still - at this point I lost my temper and said I am sitting still, what ever she is sticking with her needle is forcing my leg to jump. I think she tried two more times, by now I was in agony - yes, still a big baby when it comes to needles. Then finally, she said ok we are done and I had to lie down immediately. I lay down, and then started feeling warm tingles running throughout my body - I remember thinking this is it. I was so happy to see my doctor. We did some chatting while he got his things ready. He put a sheet over me and after a while he asked if I could feel anything - I told him yes, it feels like he's rubbing my belly. So he said good, we are ready. I assume he reached for his tool to start cutting/ quarterizing and I told him he can't cut me yet because I can still feel my feet and move my toes! He laughed and said ok don't worry, I should try picking up my legs before he starts - I couldn't move them at all.

From there on I remember looking around, all sorts of things running through my head. Hoping that hubby doesn't pass out and drop the camera cause I need pictures of my little miracle. I looked in front of me and saw some smoke, and then I felt really nauseous. My face had also been twitching every now and for a while I started thinking this is horrible! Someone asked how I was feeling and I told them I feel terrible and I want to throw up. They must have given me something because all of a sudden I felt awesome, and everything became crystal clear, and all I did was smile - that's when the doctor said, we're ready to take him out. I closed my eyes and felt some tugging and pulling, and then the doctor said here he comes bum first. I imagine his whole body must have been out and then the doctor said now the head. It seemed so unreal - the moment the doctor lifted him up for me to see and said congratulations on your son. And then I heard his cry. I cried. Nothing can prepare you for the moment. I saw the most beautiful, perfect little thing I think I've ever seen - I know every mom says this! Dr passed him over me to the paed who was waiting with yet another green sheet, and she then put him on my chest, still wet. I looked up at hubby and the look on his face was enough to melt my heart. Dr did the rest of his procedure, and started sewing me up - hubby went around to where they were checking the baby. He scored 9/10, 10/10, and 10/10 for his apgar.

Ashton was born at 12h40 in the afternoon, measured 48 cms, weighed 2,340kgs. The paed said she was really surprized at how well he was doing, considering he was born at 34 weeks gestation. I smiled and said we have a little fighter there.

Daddy, baby and company then left, so he could be incubated. Next thing I was wheeled to recovery, and then to my room. My little guy was born hungry. He cried from the moment he was born to the moment they fed him. The nurses sent hubby to ask if they were allowed to give him some formula - and at this point I said what ever is best for my baby, if he's hungry, they should feed him. My milk hadn't started to come in yet either, so I had nothing to give him.

I didn't get to see the little guy again for the rest of the day and I felt completely empty. Nobody came to tell me how my baby is doing, even though I asked - it was awful because I had to lie there until the next day so I couldn't go to him. My feeling came back really quickly, I asked for pain meds twice and eventually got a dose. I think hubby came back later that night, I was so happy to see him walking through the doors - he came up to me, and then left right away without saying a word. He had gone to tell them to bring me my baby. I just about burst into tears when they brought him in. We got to do kangaroo care for a little while and then he had to go back to incubation. His blood sugar kept dropping as well so they pricked and tested him every three hours. The first time I saw them do it I burst into tears. The pricking continued for the next three days. I finally got to have him with me a day later, and we did kangaroo care for the whole afternoon. I was so happy to hold my little bundle again. He didn't sleep with me at night, but it's ok.

His blood sugar stabilized three days later so the pricking finally stopped. On Saturday evening his paed said we will know on Sunday if he'll be going hom with us, and as you know, he did. It's been hectic, and rough, and awesome, and like I said, the single most significant experience of my life, and nothing can prepare you for it.

I think the moment I saw him was the moment my life began - probably sounds like a bit of a cliche, but honestly after all the heartsore and tears, the trying and failing, we finally did it. Looking back now, I think over the last 2 years I was just a shadow of myself, going from month to month, hoping every time that this would be it. And you know what, I would do it all again, in a heart beat. My hubby is my hero - he's been so amazing every step of the way.

This is his daddy's birth story.

Ashton James Godley Born at 34 weeks on Thrusday 28th June 2012, he weighed 2.34 kg at 12:40 pm with no complications or problems breathing. He was incubated for two days and there after was able to be by his mother in Neonatal Ward for the remainder of there stay to which they were both discharged with Ashton only loosing 125 grams of weight on Sunday 1st July 2012.

Some photos from the day: