Thoughts and Viva Espana!

I haven't felt like writing much this week, but I'm feeling pretty good today, so here's an update.  It's been a long, long week and I'm exhausted.  I've met my all deadlines for quarter end way before schedule, so I'm feeling really good about that.  The next thing on my to do list is to try and wake up early for work (again), and maybe only snooze my alarm once or twice, and not ten times.  I also plan to try and be more positive - but let's take that one day at a time.  Pity parties aren't that much fun after all, are they?  I'm sure I have been a total misery to live with the last while, and all the other feeling-sorry-for-myself days.  My husband, good friends and family have done wonders for pulling me out of my dark hole.


The other night I had another good cry.  I told Dh that I'm sorry, and I can't help the tears.  He just held me and said it's okay, he understands and he loves me, and he will still love me no matter what.  I really needed to hear that.  He said that maybe I will fall pregnant after I've finished grieving, and for now I just need to let it happen.


I've read that the emotional effects of losing a pregnancy can greatly affect a marriage, and that your relationship can become fragile.  To be honest there have been times (recently even) where I felt our relationship was strained, and all too often I think I forget that it was K's tragedy too.  I still feel so angry a lot of the time, and it's not fair on him.   I must just add that I'm blessed to have him in my life. He has done his best to give me grace, space, empathy and in a way I do feel closer to him because of it.  He holds me when I need comfort, and tells me it's okay when I can't see past tomorrow.  He's my strength.  It can't be easy to put on such a brave face all the time.  I'm not going to let this tear us apart.  


Some say that that grief is kind of language - it's feel it's true, it was a language I never fully understood until I felt it myself.  It's made me more passionate.  About life, about children being a gift, about not taking things for granted, about having more sympathy for others who are hurting, and those who are grieving, and passionate about being a mother one day.  

We look fabulous, don't you think? 

  

We have decided (that means me) to start eating a bit healthier.  Dh reckons that maybe if I'm eating more veggies I might start to feel a bit better.  I guess he doesn't really know what else to suggest at this stage.  Got to give him credit for trying.  If I don't get better I will (maybe) think about talking to someone, or taking meds.

I think I need to try to enjoy life a bit more.  Note to self, refer back to this post again (and again and again), remember take it one day at a time, laugh often, and  love my husband, a lot!  

DH bought us some awesome gear today for the final match of the SWC on Sunday.  We are supporting SPAIN!  Viva Espana!  I got a scarf and a flag, and he got a beanie and a flag.