Healing Words

I've been healing slowly, physically.  I wonder when my heart will start to hurt less.

How very softly

you tiptoed into my world.

Almost silently; 

Only a moment you stayed.

But what an imprint

you have left on my heart.

*Author Unknown*

...

"There is no foot so small that it cannot leave an imprint on this world"

...

"Loved with a love beyond telling,

missed with a grief beyond all tears."

...

For where your treasure is, there your heart will be also.  Luke 12:13

...

Let the children come to me, and do not stop them; for it is to such as these that the

kingdom of heaven belongs. Matthew 19:14

...

Some would say that you didn't exist

That you were not really born on earth

And that you do not count

Since you never experienced birth.

But you lived in God's heart

And in my heart ever more

Whether or not your tiny frame

Ever entered this earthly shore.

I have no pictures to place here

For our little family to view

But I place instead this little verse

To show that we remember you.

*Thena Smith*

...

God Bless the Mother 

Who has lost a child-

Heal her hurting, aching heart

And just hold her for a while

God give the Mother peace

Whose child you've called away-

And give her the joy in knowing

That they will reunite some day.

*Thena Smith*

..

Some people 

Come into our lives

And quickly go.

Some people move

Our souls to dance.

They awaken us to 

New understanding

With the passing whisper

Of their wisdom.

Some people make 

the sky more beautiful

To gaze upon.

They stay in our lives

For a while

Leave footprints on

Our hearts...

... And we are never, 

Ever the same

...

Spotlight on me today

We are playing a "spotlight" game at the moment.  Today was my turn.


What movie makes you happy - The Wedding Date (any weddingy movies, or romantic comedies)

Makes you cry/sad - Sad movies, abandoned/abused kids and animals, when people close to me really wanted something and it didn't work out for them.

Makes you laugh like crazy - dh playing silly buggers, sometimes jokes that I read, sometimes just laughing at myself for doing something stupid or having a real blonde moment.

Makes you think? - Bad things that happen to other people, to me, to my family and friends; the news when it isn't good at all, I think a lot of the time, lying in bed at night when the lights are off, or lazing in the bath.


If you could have any super power wat would it be and why? To be invisible, so when I'm having a bad day I can just disappear!

If you could have any actress paly your lifestory who would it be and why? Hmm, Drew Barrymore, I just love her, she is very natural.

WHERE in the world would you like to be with DH on holiday this very second? I am kind of on holiday hehe. I think honestly I would have to say anywhere beautiful, and seductive. Maybe the mountains somewhere with an ocean view? I haven't travelled much, so not sure where exactly.

What drives you to wake up in the morning? These days - my alarm that goes on, and on and on. I'm not really a morning person.

What is your fav meal to cook? Hmm, stuffed chicken fillets (camembert, cheddar, spring onions, garlic) and rosemary / mustard potatoes and a green salad - YUM!


What toothpaste do you use?
Colgate

Toilet paper over or under?
Over

If we had to peep in your fridge right now what 3 things would scare / surprise us?
Sorry I had to go and have a look:
A whole watermelon - just for me (dh doesn't eat them)
A whole bunch of different types of lettuce
My chilli/ garlic/ ginger collection - I love curries!

What bug gives you the horrors?
Worms! It's not really a bug, but still!

What veggie won't you eat?
Carrots - I hate them!

Is your bedroom cupboard tidy?
Yes, fairly tidy - hubby's had to help me get clothes out in the last two weeks so it's not as tidy as I would like

What is the strangest food combo that you like?
KFC drowned in Vinegar - the "skin" must suck up the vinegar

Favourite junk food?
Kauai these days

All time favourite band?
Creed

What reality show would you enter and why?
Oh my! I think I would suck at Survivor! I'd rather not enter it, just watch them from the comfort of my own home.
Hmm... I might enter Bully Beat Down because I think I'm strong! lol

What is your favourite animated movie?
It's between Shrek and Ice Age

What was your favourite cartoon when you were a child?
Gummie Bears - I have the DVD box set now lol


what did you want to be while growing up?
I wanted to be a vet. I changed my mind after hearing you have to put some animals down.

Describe the best day you eve experienced besides your wedding?
Wow, it would have to be seeing my baby brother for the first time. I was 6. I remember I got to hold him too. He had a big purple mark on his head cause they had to use suction to get him out, so his face and eyes were a bit swollen, but I thought wow, I'm HIS big sister. I was so so proud. I loved him there and then, regardless of what he looked like.


What would you do right now with R100?
R1000? Go for a mani, pedi, and my hair
R10 000? Pay off some debt
R100 000? Renovate some more of the house - I would have the gardens landscaped, and redo the floors - the kitchen, downstairs area, and downstairs bathroom. I'd also replaster the walls and repaint and put in really nice finishes. With the change I would decorate, lol.
R1 million? Pay off the bond, go on a nice holiday, and put the rest away.

Biggest fear? Burning to death

Where have u lived? George (when I was a baby) then Oudsthoorn, Centurion, Rooihuiskraal, Edenvale

Where have u travelled to? The furtherest being Namibia :( otherwise I've been to Durban, Cape, Garden Route, etc - haven't been to Drakensberg though

Fave holiday destination? Anywhere they have a beach

What's your current job? Sales Administrator

What's your dream job? Something Creative, like Events and/ or Graphic Design. The ultimate would be to be a well sought after artist!


1) If you could have a room full of any one thing, what would it be?
Yogisticks - with the white chocolate on the ends

2) What do you value most in other people?
Honesty, Integrity

3) If you could only see black and white except for one color, what color would you choose to see?
Blue

4) If you could choose one of your personality traits to pass on to your children, what would it be?
My integrity or sense of humour

5) What would you attempt if you knew you could not fail?
Helping those that are poverty stricken with jobs/ food/ anything I could

6) Do believe that people are inherently good or bad?
I like to believe that people are good, they just get side tracked - this has bitten me in the ass though to be honest

7) How do you deal with someone you don't like?
I will be civil towards them, but not spend any more time or energy than I absolutely have to.


Would you eat a worm for R1 million? I may consider it - if I could peri peri it. Sjoe Kelly those things scare the sh1t out of me, but for a million I don't know, I might just do it.

What is your favourite boardgame?
Scrabble hands down.

Favourite meal to cook?
Mitch asked this one already - What is your fav meal to cook? Hmm, stuffed chicken fillets (camembert, cheddar, spring onions, garlic) and rosemary / mustard potatoes and a green salad - YUM!

What do you normally order when you go out for supper?
Depends where we go to.
Mimmos - Always the Alla Luca pasta
Ocean Basket - Fish and chips or a Seafood platter for one
Piatto - I order something different every time
2Thai4 - Green curry, massaman curry, or stirfry noodles with chicken
Col'caccio (how ever you spell it) always a bolognaise with extra Avo and rocket, and I share dh's salad.

Favourite boozy drink?
Vodka and anything
Cherry liqueur with a shot of vodka and sprite - it's pink and yummy!


What is your favourite item of clothing?
A black v-neck jersey

Describe yourself in one word?

Special. Hell, I don't know how to do it in just one word!

What 3 things would you never leave the house without ? ( besides keys, phone ,wallet)

Medical Aid card, photo of hubby and me, panty liners


If you could meet any famous person, dead or alive, who would it be?
James Dean or Marilyn Monroe.

If you were stuck on an island, and you only had enough wood to be EITHER a fire OR shelter, which would you build and why? (For the sake of this question, let's pretend that the fire would burn forever....)
A shelter, cause I can live off Sushi! A fire can't shelter me from the weather, except maybe warm me up if it was cold. Not like there will be steak to cook either! And coconut milk will still taste ok cold?
I like to feel safe when I sleep too.

If you could have one mystery of the universe revealed to you, what would it be?
Haven't given it much thought, maybe the future of life on earth? Dark Matter, or the pyramids? Sorry this was a tough one.

If you could only eat one thing for the rest of your life, what would it be?
Potatoes

If you could have any animal as a pet, what would you have?
A cat. Dh is allergic to them! Or a penguin.


How many siblings do you have? 1, little brother

Where do you fit into the ranks? I'm the big sister

How do you get on with them? I love him to bits, we are very clost

What did your parents teach you intentionally? To have manners, to stand on my own two feet, how to cook (my mom is good at it and my dad can't even make eggs)

What did your parents teach you unintentionally? Too work at my marriage, and not give up. I don't want things to end like it did with them. I learnt a lot from the way they interacted with each other, and decided that the yelling, fighting, shouting and drinking was not for me and I wanted no part of that. I also never want to break up my family. Family means everything to me now.

Your greatest flaw? My ugly feet. And I have a really bad temper but I've learnt to control it. Sometimes, my inability to use logic over my feelings.

Your greatest asset? My BOOBS!! Lol no, only joking. I think my eyes, I always get compliments :)

What do you love about yourself? I'm happy to be me, so everything, except my feet. I love that I can be focussed, and that I can deal with things I thought I would find really difficult

You are a _______ friend? I am a true, no bullsh*t friend


What is your least favourite part of your body? My feet

What is your favourite part of your body? My eyes

Which part of a male's anatomy do you find so sexy that you would just like to bite it? Ha ha. Hmmm his bum! Or his neck, or his shoulder, or his back... it depends what exactly we are doing at the time - aaaaaaah don't get me wound up!


What is your favourite hairstyle to wear? Just blow waved straight, loose, with a side path.


If you could spend the day with anybody, dead or alive, who would you chose, why and what will you be doing?

I think I would spend the day with Heath Ledger. I always thought he was really hot, and a really talented actor. I think I would like him to give me some acting lessons and spend some time just talking, so I could learn a bit about him and what went on in his mind (I always found him interesting) and perv at the same time. I always wonder if the really good Actors/ Actresses know who they really are, or if they lose themselves in their work and in reality.

Hospital Bills

I’m so thankful for medical aid.  That’s all I can say.  They paid almost everything and our contribution is only a small portion.  We can’t believe just how much this has cost.  I don’t think I could deal with a financial burden on top of everything else.

Valentines Day

We lazed around at home for the day yesterday, my hubby wished me "Happy Engagement Day" too sweet. We went for an early dinner to Piatto. I had 2 glasses of rose' and became all giggly. Anyways, we laughed a lot and enjoyed the dinner, and the restaurant gave us 2 heart chocolates and a little folder that said "We at Piatto hope you get lucky tonight" and inside was a lotto ticket for the 17th. I thought that was pretty sweet of them :)
Would have loved a long (slow) walk on the beach!

Check Up...

9th February

After sitting in the waiting room for over an hour, the doctor finally came out and called my name. DH and I made our way slowly to his office. He chatted to us for a bit, explaining what he did during the surgery and showed us on a chart where exactly the rupture happened. He said that normally ectopic pregnancies rupture at about 4 weeks, but in my case the egg got stuck in the wider part of my fallopian tube, which meant it had the space to grow to the size it did. He was very concerned, asked about my support system, about how I’m feeling and says he feels I need to see someone to work through the grief and the loss, cause it was a baby already (the pregnancy measured 7cm x 3cm). We asked about my hormones and he said they should be in check as I still have my ovary. DH was worried that it would take longer to fall pregnant again, and the doctor said he need not worry too much about it, and that hopefully I should have no problem falling pregnant again. He said us women ovulate from a different side each month, and even though I have no fallopian tube on the right hand side, the egg could still get to where it needs to be on the other side, although it's not common. It can still happen that everything reaches the right place, even if from the wrong side.

He reckons we should be good to start trying again in about 6 weeks time, but wants me to come in for a checkup first before he gives us the go ahead and that I need to continue taking my folic acid as that is super important.

I asked about the chances of this happening again and he says there is a 25% chance, however it is not common. He did say though this is very difficult to pick up, he will watch me like a hawk next time to make sure everything is ok. I think 25% is a big risk, but if I think of the 75% chance it won’t happen (just to put it into perspective, I think I will take the chance).

The doctor wanted to see how I was healing from the surgery. He helped me up onto the bed and to lie back. I was so useless, and it hurt doing anything. He said he was happy with my progress and that my cut looked good. I guess good is good considering the things he must have seen before. On the way out the doc laughed and said he is so glad I’m ok, and that I really freaked him out last week. Him and the anaesthetist. You think?

DH and I went looking at tiles (he’s decided to redo the bathroom), and went to a Thai restaurant for lunch. On the way home he said he couldn’t believe he could have lost me, and then said he doesn’t know how he would have carried on without me. Of course I had another cry, we both did, but I think this has brought us closer together. It’s frightening how quickly things can change, what you have today might not necessarily be there tomorrow.

The support I’ve received from family and friends is amazing, I think I’ve drawn most of my strength from them.