Our doctor's office phoned, they had a cancelation so we could come in a day earlier, on Thursday 29 December at 09h30. I didn't sleep a wink the night before. No matter how many times I turned over, and closed my eyes, sleep wouldn't come. So many thoughts going through my head, my heart bursting to know everything is okay. For the last few weeks I've tried to keep my excitement at bay just in case something goes wrong again. Kevin wanted to leave later and I insisted we leave earlier, as the doc's offices had moved to a new spot. Plus we got lost. We made it in time with 2 minutes to spare.
When I stepped in to reception I had the strangest feeling come over me, almost a combination of panic, worry, excitement and 'this is it'. We sat down, and Kevin took a pregnancy journal from the desk and gave it to me. For a split second I thought, if I take this now and something is wrong I will have to give it back... and then I thought nope, this has to be real and stuffed it into my handbag.
We waited for about 10 minutes to see the doctor, my heart racing when walked through the door and picked up my file. He looked at us and smiled, and invited us to go through. We took seats behind his big wooden desk and broke into chit chat (is this really the time to discuss Christmas, how I've been doing, what's happening in the new year, food I'm on and off, any morning sickness etc), nevertheless I asked about his move and congratulated him on his stunning new offices - he moved over on Christmas day, with new furniture and brand new equipment). I had written down a list of questions (yes, another list) and he smiled when he saw them and said I can go through them if I like, to which I answered that my first question is the most important - is my baby in the right place, and is there a heartbeat - after which if the answer is yes we can work through my other questions. Kevin had secretly been stressing out... his main concern was how many babies there are - turns out my blood tests had freaked him out a bit. Since my progesterone levels were really high he had been worried that there were 2 or 3 babies. Lol. We made a joke about having a few in one shot, so all the work is done! Shame and here I thought we were both worrying about the same thing - is it viable and in the right place! The doc asked if my bladder was full and I said well, I went before we left home and it feels like I need to go again, so I'm sure it is.
So he said let's have a look. He excused himself to quickly tidy up the room, and Kevin sat down on the big fat couch - I was standing nervously and for the first time couldn't stop smiling. Today we would find out if what we are hoping for will be true. He called us through and I undid my belt - he started fiddling with his machine and I was a bit unsure of what to do, just before I stripped down I asked if I should get into the gown and he said no, we will do an external scan.
I got on the bed and made myself comfy, looked down at him putting the jelly on my belly (lol, jelly belly!) - he then took the magig and started with the scan. I looked at the screen which was turned slightly away... then he turned it so that it was facing us. And then I saw it! A little moon shape with a teeny tiny thing in there. Be still my heart. At that very moment I thought my heart was going to burst. I smiled. He then showed us the little flicker saying that is the heartbeat, and turned on the sound and we couldn't hear anything except what seemed like white noise. He changed a setting and did it again, and there for the very first time ever we heard the most beautiful sound in the whole world - the little heartbeat. Nothing can explain the feeling. At that moment I burst into tears, my belly was shaking and the monitor was jumping. Kevin was staring at the screen when the doctor said there are some tears rolling now and then he looked at me and held my hand. Seeing that screen for the first time felt like a bit of a revelation, so unreal yet so real. The doc said the position is good, right at the top of the womb (so yes to nookie lol) - seems our little thing managed to JUST get in there :).
Our little thing (have got to think of a better word to use here) is only 1.06cm long, and has a strong heartbeat of 154 beats per minute. Kevin was amazed that something so small could have such a strong little heartbeat. So small but make no mistake, it is definitely there. I had to giggle, he first thought the big black part (known as my bladder) was what we are looking for.
He then took my weight, seems I haven't picked up much yet. I weigh 75,1 kg. I think I was 74 kg pre pregnancy.
After the scan we went back to his desk, I put one shoe on and then the doc insisted I run through my questions. So with one shoe on and one bare foot I went through them all. Right, down to business.
There isn't a lot I'm not supposed to eat - just sushi, mostly any raw meats, and unpasteurized cheese. For now I need to continue with folic acid only, and begin with other vitamins from 3 months and I should definitely take Omega. Oh and eat healthy foods. He doesn't recommend visiting the dentist for any drilling or extractions, due to the extra blood in my body - they might not be able to stop the bleeding - freak! I asked about what testing needs to happen and he said he will only do tests in the second trimester, as there is a lot of uncertainty now in the first and any findings will need to be reconfirmed later again. I'm okay with that. I asked who I could contact if I had any questions, and he said I can phone or sms him at any time - that's really great. I must phone him immediately if I have any bleeding and pain.
Our baby's estimated due date is 10 August 2012. Our next appointment should be end January, I still have to call and schedule it.
Kevin's next 'things to worry about' are if there are ten fingers and toes, and if it's a boy or girl. Mine? Just to have a healthy and happy next few months!
What I can't quite understand yet is how I can love this little thing so much already when at this stage I can't feel it, only in my head is it 'there'. This is it, this is what we've been waiting for, for so long.
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