Could it be...

...just a coincidence?


So here I sit, a few months down the line, wondering when or if it's going to happen.  If we'll ever be blessed with a baby.  I've tried to keep my mind off things, tried to keep busy, "pretending" not to care when deep down inside I really do care, and really want this. I've been really down in the dumps at times. A few days ago I threw yet another pity party for one. I've still been charting my cycles, adding in symptoms when and if there are any, cycle days, days we dtd etc.

Since Sunday (19th) I've had tender breasts. Anyway I charted that too (a symptom) and then went back to check the last few cycles since my ectopic and also some cycles last year. It seems a bit early for me to have tenderness. At least 2 weeks before AF is due.

I had a brainstorm... decided to check December's calendar as well (the month I fell pregnant) and my breasts were tender from about 2 weeks before AF was due. Normally it's only a few days (anything between 5-7 days).

Could it be a coincidence?

December 09 Cycle
AF started 2 December
AF was due 31 December
Tenderness from 19 December (12 days before AF was due)

June 10 Cycle
AF started on 6 June
AF due on 5 July
Tenderness from 20 June (15 days before AF is due)

Now to try get my mind off of this. 

I'm holding invisible thumbs, thinking invisible thoughts, hoping with all my heart.

Thinking back my first AF after my ectopic was the most painful I'd ever experienced. The pain was so terrible that I woke up from my sleep that night. It took a water bottle and a microwave heatable bean bag and some pain tablets to help. I couldn't fall asleep until the meds kicked in. The other cycles since then have been back to "normal", kind of right on schedule, some months no pain, others some, but nothing like that 'first' cycle. Thank goodness. If my breasts were tender, it was only a few days, and not every cycle.

I'm sitting here with question marks in my head, and hope in my heart, and a lump in my throat. I think for the mean time I'll enjoy the fantasy that I might be pregnant. If I am, that means my remaining tube might be ok, and my dream might be coming true.

For now I (still) wait.